The World Is My Playground

What Next?

2009-09-22T15:31:00.000+09:00

My rampant indecision about my life's path makes me crazy. Every few weeks I have some new idea of where I want to be and what I want to do. The room-mate points it out each time I have a new endeavor in mind. He says "This summer alone you have decided to move to Hawaii, move back home, and move back to Sedona; I am certain that after your upcoming trip to San Diego you will decide to move there next." I did go to San Diego. And I did daydream of a life in that city living on the coast, strolling the boardwalk by night, the beach by day... but I did not return 'wanting' to move there... thankfully. I read the writings from my pals in Korea and think 'hey, why not head back there?' I check out what's happening with family members I developed on Pollap and definately think I should be there again, lol. I chill in Sedona for a weekend and decide to go live off the desert as a hippy after I finish grad school... that makes a ton of sense, doesn't it? I go back to school and decide I'm going to get my PhD next but first I'm going to get grant money and develop some much needed services in this city. Then I talk to a friend trying to get into the foreign service and I check that out online and it is definately for me. A high school friend came to visit and she's a nurse so now I have university catalogs coming in the mail from schools that offer a BSN as a second undergrad degree. This is for the benefit of all of you out there who think I am NOT crazy. See, I am! All I really really want to do is live in this moment now. I want to be ABLE to do that. Why have I been planning what's next since the end of last school year? I want to be in the now and I want to be open to the opportunities that come my way when I finish school and choose from them AT THAT TIME! Lol. Please.

Time Flies

2009-05-29T15:12:00.002+09:00

Over a year? Really? This explains some of the snarky comments I randomly get regarding my blog. I deeply apologize and warn it will most likely happen again.

So, quick update... I started a new job last March, the month of my last post. I do blog more at myspace but I'm behind there too... So I work for a behavioral health organization that serves children of low income families. Over a year... wow. Fall of last year I started school at ASU. I'm half way to my master's in social work. I love the program, hate our system :) So, it's summer now and I'm just working so maybe I will catch any readers left out there up on the past year. But... not tonight :)

"Real" Life and a Post to Susie

2008-03-20T15:03:00.000+09:00

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Current mood: touched Category: Life
I started "the job" last week. I find myself realizing all kinds of annoying facts about this event. Such as, this is the first "real" job I have had since in the US since i went into the Peace Corps going on 5 years ago now. And, this is the first "thing" I have ever went back to. I have business experience, degree in Social Work, TESOL experience, a real estate license and as I have left each thing I always think "well, this is something I can always fall back on". And now, I am falling back... and oh gee, that might be exactly the right way to put it. After being overseas and seeing other cultures my perspective is a lot different. I find though, that my sense of hopelessness is also. And I don’t even have any cases yet. I feel frustrated with the band aids we put on. I feel frustrated with the over-abundance of services we offer. I feel frustrated that there are a billion ppl working for a billion different agencies that are all involved with 5 billion families. Everyone is over loaded and one family is on 10 different ppl’s case loads from 10 different agencies. It seems silly to me. But hey, it’s employment. On the plus side... my changed perspective... I don’t feel as serious as I did when I worked in Child Protection. I mean, I take things seriously but I don’t feel all freaked out. I know I am good at working with people, and I feel more ok with the fact that we all have choices and we can choose to live our lives the way we want to a huge degree. I think in the past my focus has been to be angry with "the system" where as now I feel like its more important to teach people about options. I wonder if there will really be any difference in frustration level :) I am applying for my master’s, and with that I hope to work more with people who want the services I can offer versus people who are forced to have the services I offer. I so so so so hope that will make a difference :)
Last bit I want to add... it’s strange how my PC experience is sometimes all around me. Suddenly I am meeting ppl from the islands, and hearing from PC friends, and ppl in my life now are asking me to go back and remember... It comes in spurts, it really does. With the current spurt, I found out that our field rep Susie died. I don’t think she was much into her 40’s and she died of cervical cancer in Hawaii. She was an awesome woman, so inviting, and so happy and pleasant to be around. She smiled a lot and always found the good in life. It makes me laugh... that sounds so like the kind of thing you say about people who have passed on... but it was so freakin’ true. You know, did she have her downfalls? Sure. As our field rep was she a pain in the ass sometimes? Of course. But even in life man, she was one of those women that, had someone asked about her, it would be her strengths that people mentioned. Even in life people noticed her smiles and good nature. Her perserverance in an oppressed country, a sexist country even. Isn’t it strange that with someone’s passing we always think about ourselves? "Did I tell her I loved her? Did I get in touch with her enough after I found out she was sick? Did she know she was awesome to me? Did I do enough? Did I stay in touch?" Basically, was I a good friend? Did I make the time? Isn’t it strange that no matter what, no matter how much you may have emailed, or visited for that matter, or sent money, or cared, or thought the world of her... it just wasn’t enough for those left behind. Is this guilt normal I wonder? Or just part of my dysfunction? And as the guilt encompasses me I berate myself for feeling it "this isn’t about YOU, it’s about this great woman whose presence is no longer available to all" I think to myself. I cried when i found out. I sobbed actually. I found myself surprised to be feeling the loss so intensely. And in so many ways. The loss of a great woman, the loss of one of my own connections to Chuuk, the loss of an email friend, the loss of someone so young in general... some losses felt selfishly, and some not. Is it not human nature? I know I will visit Chuuk again one day. In my vision of that visit I always imagined her at the gate. I always imagined I’d hang out with her. *sigh* So, I did mourn her loss intensely, and I felt good about doing that... but alas, as life would have it, this bout with PC rememberances is not over as the emails trickle in from other PC friends sharing the loss and it hits me all over again. She is gone. With that being said, to any of my PC pals out there who actually read this shit... :) I’m thinking of you, obviously specifically the Chuuksters, and my heart goes out to you. I wish we could have a Chuuk reunion as I had on the phone with B the other night and just rehash all the fun and good times we had with that woman, lol. She was something, wasn’t she? Damn. And she really was...

lolcats!

2008-02-28T12:19:00.001+09:00

The move to Phoenix complete. Been spending most of my time applying and interviewing for jobs and grad school, and the rest of my time procrastinating doing either. Nah, I've also been exploring the city and its dark and quirky corners, as well as the brightly lit run of the mill corners... but alas, I get away from myself... I've been contemplating the cats.
See, we have two cats, Joel and I, (and for those who'd ask as so many have.. no, we did not move down here together as lovers ;) more precisely, we have Joel's cat Slider, and my cat Phaser. As often is the case, it wasn't always so. The cat's were once all Dave and Veronika's cats... or maybe they were Dave, Veronika, Kristin, Brian and Joel's cats, I'm not sure. What I do know, is that, in the world of cats I might be considered a "stray". A stray human wandered in off the streets, out of the wilds. Back when I was newly stray (I hear my mom talking about her strays and how their names always start off as "cat that doesn't come in the house" until they wiggle their ways into hearts and get let in; makes me wonder if one of the master cats didn't name me "human that doesn't get to stroke our silken shine") there were 11 or so cats in the home I moved into. Like my brother Jody and "cat that doesn't come into the house" Phaser immediately let me stroke her silken shine... like Jo, sneaking in the forbidden strays. So yes, I have felt a connection to Phaser from the beginning and have, by the fate of the Gods, ended up with her as "my cat".
These two have such unique and individual personalities and I struggle to understand them and what drives them. Are they driven by fear? Or desire? What are their actions based on? I also like to contemplate the ways in which I differ and am similar to each. Wonder if my connection to Phaser has more to do with our similarities or our differences. Slider likes to lounge and is a big ol' cat compared to Phaser. She is hungry for attention and cuddles. She likes all kinds of stimulation including having her belly rubbed. She likes to follow us humans around but doesn't stray, even when she follows outside. Oh she looks and appears to be considering jumping up on the wall to see what is on the other side, but then instead gives in to the comfort of the human lap beneath her and begins a song and lays her head down to be spoiled. Her relationship with Phaser is shaky at best. But the big lazy beast seems to have the upper hand and often corners Phaser in the 'litter room' or in my closet or she guards the food. When they are together Slider can be heard giving out a distressed 'meuw' until lavished with some attention or until she slaps a paw down in demanding recourse and Phaser goes running. Sometimes I can identify with Slider and her desire for all attention and her enjoyment of lazy relaxation at the hands of others. I still do not know Slider and all her ways, she is newest to my family, but I am learning.
Phaser, on the other hand, I have had lots of time with. First when I moved down here and into the top bunk in Joel's room, which I believe had been primarily her bunk up until then. Not willing to give it up she grudgingly let me share it with her and would also, on occassion, allow me to pet and scratch her. Then later she moved into my room at the condo in Sedona. She was only in that room due to spats with the other two cats then living with us. The first night she literally had the shit... scared? out of her in the bathroom. Not wanting a repeat performance she made my room her recluse. Before moving down here Joel and Slider stayed at the condo for a bit and the two were witnessed sleeping together... so upon moving here, we have had community food and litter for them. Now, they say... the 'others', those not stray.. that Phaser has never gotten along with any of the other cats. There seems to be debate about why. Is it the others dislike her for some unknown reason? Or does she bring it on herself with her reclusive ways? In any case... we moved and the apt was an open wonderland for both cats... and where can we find Phaser? In my room. Phaser sleeps on the end of the bed, and sometimes in the night, and most mornings will come and find my hands so she can rub her face against them in the way she wants to be rubbed. She does enjoy having her back rubbed where it meets her tail though and will stay still for this. She chases my rainbow thrower while Slider lazily and evilly watches her play. She is lean and remote. She spends much time in my closet or under my bed and mostly only comes out to eat when she has human's protection from Slider. She seems to understand that when i am around she can join me and Slider on the bed, but if I walk into my room and Slider is on my bed Phaser will most likely be in one of her hiding places...driven there by Slider. She doesn't come off as real shy, or mean, or really even scared. She just is. Surprisingly she responds to my 'click click' of tongue to teeth, so when she follows me outside on rare occassions and jumps up on the wall I can easily call her back... so far. I have no screen in my window and when it is open and there are sounds she is alert and looking. One day I fear she will find her way out... but I also have faith she will find her way back. Of course, I identify with her, and seem to know her much more intimately than I do Slider. She always finds her safe haven.. she does venture out, but cautiously. She fears others. And she wants what she wants when she wants it :) I'm so curious to know if she brings on these attacks from other kitties or if they just intrinisically do not like her. Does her weakness draw the bully out of them? Or is she an untouchable bitch? Lol... cats.

Christmas Birthdays

2007-12-27T17:29:00.001+09:00

As a child I felt ripped off at having my birthday right after Christmas. Always the "Christmas-Birthday" gifts. And freezing, sopping wet, red-nosed sliding parties. Ugh. As we grow older into adulthood I notice people, including myself, tend to do this 'year in review' type thing at their birthday time. Kind of like New Year's Resolutions. So then, as an adult, I feel lucky to have a Christmas Birthday, or actually a New Year's Birthday as I am actually closer to that than to Christmas; because what that means is I only have to do this 'year in review' crap once a year! Yay! Lucky me :)
And so, I quickly approach yet another year marker. 3 is my lucky number and as such, 33 was supposed to be a doubly lucky year. This was my mantra throughout the first part of the year; by the second half of the year that mantra had fallen by the wayside, discarded, used up, bullshit really... or so I thought. But now, as I sit year recollecting, it really has been quite the year. I mean really, I haven't even worked over half of it... how can that be bad? Of course, I have also found myself living like a poor college student at the age of 33 as a result of that.. but hey, we choose our own course, right? Is money anything? To start off my 33rd year I was able to take part in a mometuous moment for Sara's company, ASAP. A company which I have a strong affiliation too, not only because its hers but also because I spent 4 years of my blood, sweat, and tears there and many people I love have put even more years into it. I was able to help the company move into, and organize itself in a brand new, amazing building.. and it was so very enjoyable. Then I took 3 MONTHS and just drove around the US. Come on, lucky? I visited old friends, new friends, family and saw parts of the country I had never seen before. I also reunited with a lost friend, Joel.. which led me to my current humble abode here in Arizona. I was able to waitress at Johnny Rockets, where we danced every hour on the hour (what fun is that?), and I took a course and got my real estate license. A little formal education is always a good thing, yes? Ok, so the job hasn't been all I had hoped for, and my financial situation isn't where I'd like it to be... but wow, that means I have resolutions I can make! Am I every lucky!
I've made some mistakes here in AZ, some things I wish I'd done differently.. but I've learned a lot about myself. I've made some new friends, rediscovered my spirituality, and fallen in love on a daily basis with the beauty and kindness of this place and its people. I'm excited to be alive, and I'm excited to live and feel the days to come. I'm excited to revel in life with those I love. I'm excited to rid myself of past self-destructive behaviors and embrace life with less fear than I have had. And I'm excited to have almost completed my 'doubly lucky' year, so I can move on to the next with a new mantra something along the lines of 'it just keeps getting better baby!'
Maybe it would be good to do this review thing a couple times a year... but ya'all know that in truth I do it all the damn time :) So I'm glad to have just one "official" time to do it. Christmas Birthdays... aren't they wonderful?

Live and Learn

2007-09-18T10:17:00.000+09:00

A kindred spirit of mine recently wrote about her enjoyment of doing the "where was I a year ago" thing. I also love to do this... and as she just wrote of it; I had to stop a minute and think about last year, the year before... and such. I do this often enough that sometimes I worry I do not appreciate now enough. I love the past, this is true. But I love now also; and part of what I love about now is knowing that next year I will look back on it with fresh and different eyes... next year I will see it differently and think such things as "damn, I didn't enjoy that enough" and "damn, I sure was a silly thing, wasn't I?" and "boy, if I am ever in a situation like that again, I will certainly do something different". Such is life... I figure if we never look back then how can we learn from our mistakes? And if we never appreciate what was... how can we appreciate what is?
And thus I commence on a little "last year" trip. It seems an appropriate time as I have also just started a new journal having filled the one I started a little over a year ago. Interesting also; all who love me know I journal so I get journals as gifts often. The one I just started is very special to me as it is a "moon" journal and was given to me by a very special woman... back Christmas of 2000. And I have been carrying this empty journal with me for the last 2 years... since I traveled to Egypt... waiting for what felt like the right time to start it. Even though I had it with me I have chosen other journals when i could have chosen it. And now, in Sedona, land of nature, Native culture, shamans, the moon and bright night skies, and many other things... now was the time. And so, with reverence, I reopened it two nights ago and read the poem this very special woman had left in it for me... and I began. Every new journal is a new journey. It is a new beginning, a new story, and very ritualistic for me.
Alas, I digress... a year ago...Wow. I just reread the closest entry of my journal; which was the 19th... a year ago in two days. And wow. Ok, the little wow first... Background first. I was still in Korea and had already told my director I would stay longer than my one year which was fast approaching beginning of October. I was talking to this guy in Egypt about taking a job as a private tutor. And also thinking about other overseas teaching jobs... like Indonesia. I had a nice savings (my how times change) and money was no consideration for me. I had hopes of hanging in the states for a month or so. All of this I wrote about; but also I was upset with myself on this day for not journaling enough and for spending much of my free time channel surfing. Channel surfing is no treat in Korea; although I must say their custom of showing half a program and then having 20 minutes of commercials at one time and then showing the second half was kind of nice. But yeah, I remember being a channel surfing freak for a few months there... and now I find myself, once again, tv-less. Not true, we have a tv, just no cable thus no channels. Even before PC I had went tv-less once. It's an interesting phenomenon. Little wow. The big wow in this journal entry is that as I was writing about and questioning what I should do next I wrote..."I'm ok hanging in the states, but I want to go other places, I don't want to get stuck. Could I hook up with Joel?" Ha. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of Joel for 3 years when I wrote this a year ago. And here I am, in his land :) Strange. Not too long ago I was telling him how I have romanticized his life to friends I have met on the road... like in PC I had at least 2 ppl interested in traveling the US with me to look up this "hobo who lives out of his RV and just travels from place to place". And now I have looked him up... it's so weird I mentioned him in my journal a year ago. Funny really.
Two years ago I was in the midst of traveling in Egypt and taking phone interviews for teaching jobs on hotel lobby phones. I talked to the man who hired me about 2 years ago from Luxor. I was sending paper work and putting everything together... and much like now; I was living on credit in the belief that I would soon pay it all off... huh. My kindred spirit also mentioned the circles of life... huh.

New Homes

2007-08-22T12:28:00.000+09:00

Current mood: fitikoko Category: fitikoko Travel and Places
I started my new job and moved into a condo in Sedona this last week. I signed a 6 month lease. So there :) So after 8 months of being home from Korea and not really knowing what is next, it seems I am finally settled for a spell. While a 6 month lease makes me nervous and a bit claustraphobic, I can't begin to describe the elation I feel at having my very own space. I learned in PC that I really do love communal living; but I must have a place to be alone. On Pollap it was jungle or the unpopulated half of the coast and while it was a pain to get there I still went every single day. And while it was a pain to wander off alone I still did it. I love having my own space. So for the first time in over 4 years, my name is on a lease. Huh. Interesting. I'm a big girl again :) And I have a home again. On Friday I will even have a mailbox. A real place of residence to get my mail... not a peace corps office address, or a Korean Hogwan (private school) address... my very own address. Cool.

Currently listening : Nocturama By Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds Release date: 11 February, 2003

Rambling

2007-07-25T12:32:00.000+09:00

Remember Pollap Category: Blogging
I am trying to commit to blogging at least once a week. I feel better when I do (although I don't feel so hot now as my FFFFFF key is not working so well) For all of you dedicated readers... I have also been blogging once in awhile at myspace which you can get to by going to http://www.myspace.com/the_world_is_myplayground and checking out the blog. I also have some pictures posted there...
I have been thinking of my home in Micronesia a lot lately; is this a recurring theme? It feels like it and lately it seems I blab a lot about it here too. My room mate has a machete we use for protection (that's a joke mom) and we bought a coconut a week or so ago at the store. I found myself wondering if I would know which hole to try to open up; I did, and I wondered if I would be able to open the whole coconut with said machete upon completion of drinking the nut; again, I did. Disappointingly, it didn't taste right; but we drank it and I taught (not really) my roomie and pal how to slurp appropriately. Then I cut it open and we ate the meet. Then the other day during lunch during real estate class I ordered this awful chicken and rice dish so I asked for soyu. Interesting story about soy sauce; I think I never used it or had reason to call it by name before Micronesia, so to me, the stuff is soyu which is soy sauce in Chuukese. Anyway, I added it to my rice and wow; now THAT tasted exactly right. I was immediately transferred back "home" to Pollap on a day when someone magically appeared with soyu and we had the good fortune of eating rice three times in one day WITH soyu versus just plain. I think my stomach even started rumbling in remembrance of those days. And finally, there is a spot when I am driving down the mountain from Flagstaff where I am taking classes where the air smells like sakau, not alcohol but the sakau (was it kava?) found on Pohnpei and made from the pepper root. I always thought sakau smelled, as well as tasted, like almost a minty flavored dirt (I must have had that flavor in my days of mud pies). I am sure the smell I get coming down the mountain is dirt mixed with some kind of plant or tree; but everytime it hits me I am brought back to my first day after drinking that junk when everywhere I went in the city all I could smell was sakau.
We are in monsoon season here; you'd think that would draw images of Korea but it doesn't. Korean monsoon were like week long water works. Here we have showers and at times some hard core storms that blow through very quickly. It is an amazing contrast to what the weather had been like. After spending a summer in Egypt I had thought to maybe never see rain in Arizona and maybe just some flucuation in temperature. The rains have been here a week or more and everything has greened up some. Before the world seemed so brown, now it is brown and green, which again feels a huge contrast to me. I have enjoyed it a lot. I could spend my days watching the clouds roll in and then out again; listening to the rumble of far off thunder move closer and wow, the lightning here is like none I have ever seen, even in WI and I think Wisconsin has some pretty amazing thunderstorms. I like the place I am temporarily living; although I miss the house sometimes. Mostly I miss its location and how quiet it was and the sounds I heard in the night there. But alas, I am a person of contrasts and while I love the silence of a country place, something about living in a more urban area appeals to me as well. As I drift off to sleep to the sounds of traffic and people I rather like the thought of life going on around me.
Currently listening : Surfacing By Sarah McLachlan Release date: 15 July, 1997

Barbaric Yawps

2007-07-17T12:31:00.002+09:00

Current mood: amused Category: Life
Some of you may recall a blog post I posted at melissadrinkman.blogspot.com back when I first arrived in Korea. It was about the woman at the lake who screamed at it like 3 times and then got up and walked away... remember her? I was jealous of her and her feeling free enough to just do it...
Years ago, when I was in college I used to have this daydream all the time riding in the car with my then boyfriend. I would ride around with him in the countryside of my home and see these vast fields of green; wide open for the taking; practically pleading for company. I would daydream that I was alone or maybe I daydreamed I said "stop the car". In any case I would run my heart out into the very center of these vast fields screaming all the way. Not screaming so much as sounding my barbaric yawp (watch Dead Poet's Society if you don't know what this is). In fact, it wasn't even a day dream but more of an urge; almost a need. When I saw the woman in Korea I was reminded of those days and how I never followed up on my urge; this was that which made me jealous.
Well, I am now living in a city across from a soccer (football) field and I was sitting outside the other morning having this same old urge from my past (what the hell that is all about will have to be analyzed in another blog sometime). I grabbed my house mate and off we went, bugger the people on the field and the people walking by and the people outside their homes. We went to the center of that field and sat down and took turns sounding our barbaric yawps. Then as we were getting up to leave we did one big long one on our feet for good measure. And I must say that while it did hurt my throat; it was also refreshing and releasing and I think just pretty pure - for both of us. As we sauntered back home discussing daily life we vowed to make it a habit. I think we will; maybe we can start a health trend - Yawping. I bet we'd make millions :)
Currently listening : Little Plastic Castle By Ani Difranco Release date: 17 February, 1998

'

2007-07-17T12:31:00.001+09:00

Reflections

2007-07-16T04:49:00.000+09:00

Current mood: Reflective Category: Reflective Travel and Places
I do not write enough of my reflections. I wish I did more.
As I walked this morning I came to a strip mall and decided to walk through it. I wanted to see if the Curves was open but I was sure it wasn't, this being a Sunday. I walked past a Mexican man and he smiled at me so I said hello. He said hello back and I continued past. Then I heard him say, "I like your shirt." and I smiled and turned back and thanked him and that was the end of it. Once home I reflected on this exchange, primarily because of the odd custom on Pollap which goes something like - if a person of higher status tells you they like something of yours, you are obligated to give that something to the person. I also remember odd little customs in Korea that seemed so similar to those of Pollap, Chuuk and Micronesia as a whole. So reflecting on this led me to wonder about Mexican customs and also led me to wonder if I should have taken off my shirt and given it to the man :) Just kidding. I sometimes wonder if I am so comfortable in Arizona because I overhear foreign language more than I overhear English. Coming home from foreign countries is always difficult in many ways; but the language thing is, I think, the hardest for me. After being away and either A. not knowing the language or B. having to concentrate real hard to follow it, I become a master of tuning out conversations. Foreign speak becomes a constant and sometimes pleasant background noise. Then, I come home. And it always starts in the airports and just continues on from there. Suddenly there is not one moment of silence, no constant background noise that can be tuned out, it's all chatter chatter chatter all around me and I understand it all and catch bits and pieces and feel confused and disoriented and then angry or sad or disbelieving or happy; depending on what I am listening to being said. Depending, yes, on what I am eaves dropping on. Anyway, it has come as rather a shock to me to realize I have been here almost 2 months and not even really noticed that, now it seems, a lot of the population around here speaks Spanish in their everyday encounters. I want to learn Spanish and of course, I want to get to know the people who live here as foreigners. I am intrigued, always.
So my thoughts went like this, yes, but since Pollap had popped into my head it seemed right that I should continue to reflect on Pollap. The above mentioned custom was not something overt to me. In fact, I am not sure it was even practiced on other islands as I never heard any of the other PC volunteers talk about it. If it even happened regularly on Pollap I don't know as it seemed I only heard about it when some young punk was abusing it and going around taking things from young punks less in status than he. I do, however, have a memory that I now wonder about... There was a man who I spent a lot of time with both on Pollap and Weno; he was a member of my host family, which was not cool, but I loved him regardless. One day he had on a necklace I had never noticed before and I said "That is beautiful" and he raised his eyebrows (meaning yes) to which I chuckled. Then I said, "I like it very much." And in a blink of an eye he was taking it off and saying, "Do you want it? You can have it." And I did protest but I ended up with it and I put it on and he looked at it and said, "yes, it is very beautiful." This could be the stuff movies in America are made of, no? But on reflection I find myself wondering if in that moment his societal norms kicked in. I wonder if in that moment all he could see was my light skin and blue eyes; my Americanness; my Peace Corps - ness. I wonder if in that moment all he thought about was how revered the PC people are and how he would be doing right by his island to give me that which I said I liked. It's a very funny thing to me because me and this guy talked a lot about how things are different in the US versus how things are on Pollap and I always felt like he "got it" and I do think for some things he did. But how many little things went completely unnoticed to me I wonder. To him as well. How deep are societal norms? Many of the things I liked about him were things completely driven by his way of being which came about because of where he was brought up. I wonder had he come to the US would he have lost many of those things I liked, would a person become re-socialized? I guess probably. Isn't that what typically happens to people who move here? They assimilate? Isn't that also what happens to me when I move overseas? I assimilate to varying degrees? Huh. I need to think some more :)
Currently listening : Strange Angels By Kristin Hersh Release date: 03 February, 1998

On The Road Again

2007-07-02T13:05:00.001+09:00

Sunday, July 01, 2007
On The Road Again Current mood: dorky Category: Travel and Places
I am off again. Just a short trip. Things have been crazy in the house I am living in. One of my house mates quit her job and two others have been asked to move out and me and the girl who quit her job are going to move out also and get a place together. Meanwhile she wants to go on a trip and we both got hired at this new restaurant but it isn't open yet. So I gave notice at my job and her and I are going to CA for a week. We also have packed up all of our stuff and will be house sitting when we come back for two months. And then we will get a place.
My friend Joel, who I came here to hang with, is going to live in his RV for a spell; probably until he sells it. All 6 of us are still friends; just changes in the air. It's crazy as it all happened so very very fast. So, I will be out of the online world for awhile again. Or rather, I just won't have everyday access like I do now. We are going to camp in some of the national forests in CA and also beach camp and stop in and see Jules and hopefully pick up a comedy show in San Fran...
Also... considering going into the time share biz :) It took a long time, but I am starting to come around to the idea of it. It pays well if you are good at it. We'll see. You know me and my career ideas and how they come and go and come and go...
Hoping you are all well and at peace...

Life

2007-06-15T17:26:00.000+09:00

Friday, June 15, 2007
Current mood: melancholy Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
So, I think on Monday I will have been here for 4 weeks. 4 weeks already. I have my clothes unpacked and put in a closet, I have a loft to sleep on, I am paying a very small rent, I have a job... and I went grocery shopping the other day. I realized that I hadn't *really* been all out grocery shopping in the US in over 4 years. Isn't that crazy? Prices are higher than I remember them being; for the record.
So. Here I am. It's hot here. Not hot like home, not muggy; so not even like Micronesia. But hot like Egypt. Ha. I twice now find myself in the desert in summer. I hear things at night here. Two of the guys get up before dawn to go ballooning and sometimes I am just coming home from waiting tables and then hanging out with people from work. Just as the dawn is coming there is .... how to describe it? Chanting? Yelling? Yowling? Yeah, yowling in a native language so far off in the distance. The first time I heard it was around the full moon and I and the others who live here thought it was a full moon ceremony. No one else here has heard it, but I have told them about it. The second time I heard it I knew without a doubt that it is not a full moon ceremony but a daybreak ceremony. It is a celebration of the coming day. I have also heard, in the even further distance, what sounds like an answer to these yowls (I sound my barbaric yowl; for those of you who know I love "Dead Poets Society). I hear them and I can't help but think of that woman long ago in Korea who sat at the man-made lake and yelled at it long and hard multiple times. She also yowled. And I hear it and can't help but think that whoever makes these sounds lives near people. Like, they live near me. And I love that. I hope to one night go in search of the source. I think I even hope to one night make my own barbaric yowl from my own doorstoop. In any case, it is a very surreal sound to drift off to sleep too.
I have also dreamt of tornados 3 times in the past few months, I believe I blogged about one of those dreams, but it has become a curious recurring dream for me. Anyone out there with dream analysis expertise... let me know what this means.
And finally, an update as is my blog style. I change my mind so often that I like to keep my readers up to speed on what I am thinking. I am not thinking much actually. Which is weird. I do feel days of restlessness. And I did apply for what my housemates call a "real" job, which is described as a behavior tech in a home which houses teens for 3 month spurts and kind of tries to straighten them out. Teens who have been through rehab or with minor mental issues, like depression. They tell me they don't take kids with psychotic disorders or kids who have sexual abuse pasts either. This includes sexaul abuse as perps or victims. Ha, I wonder who is left. Such a cynic. Anyway, the home isn't open yet but I am, as told by my interviewer, the most qualified; read over-qualified and under-paid for my qualifications :) It is a bit scary because it is a job that would at least lock me in for 3 month periods of time. Man, what a wimp I have become that I don't even want 3 month commitments anymore, eh? I am still thinking about Korea in my future again. But I have kind of started to think of home again too, as in the US. Not forever, but I have started to look at jobs here and wonder if I could save money like I did in Korea and if I could justify working short term like I did there. In other words, can I save as much as I did there working as a waitress here? Maybe. If so, why not? Save the money here and go travel like I want to do. Come back and do it again? Or go to Korea, whatever is right at the time. Korea feels like it is still in my future; just maybe not so near as I was thinking.

Currently listening : Dilate By Ani DiFranco Release date: By 21 May, 1996
1:38 AM

From Arizona to the World

2007-05-28T04:08:00.001+09:00

Sunday, May 27, 2007
Cornville, AZ Current mood: satisfied Category: Parties and Nightlife

The long term plan is to go back to Korea. In the interim I took another road trip and ended up in Arizona. Well, you know, it wasn't that random. I visited my absolute oldest friend I am still in touch with here in Sedona on my US tour and he and his housemates invited me back. And I came back. Sedona area is different first of all because of its transient and tourist lifestyle. In addition, this house is different because all the people (there are 6 of us now) are on these random schedules and friends are coming and going all the time and its almost like there is always a party. It's almost like I would have imagined college life in a dorm and then in an apartment with other college friends. Almost. Difference being, one of the couples who lives here owns the house, we are all older than college age, hearts have already been broken, dreams dashed discarded and renewed... I guess the difference, of course, is age.
I got a job waitressing at a Johnny Rockets. I start tomorrow. It will be fine. I am also going to apply for an in home job working with people who are older and in need of help with house cleaning and the like. There are a lot of postings for positions like this (Arizona, second only to Florida for retirees; no surprise eh?) and after hanging out with Joel while he tries to sell timeshares and meeting some of the folks who have migrated here I am excited to do this job. I think I will meet interesting folks from all over the country. Wise folks. I hope to join their ranks one fine day. :)
So here I am. Less than a week. We went to an Indigo Girls concert in Flagstaff my first night here. Joel and I went off roading in his new jeep. And I have driven around getting a feel for the small towns around here. It's been fascinating already. I think of home as rather, backwoods or off the beaten path. But wow to off road roads around here. Amazing. Desolate. We got a flat. It was so wrong because the jeep kept falling off the jack and everytime we landed closer to the edge of the cliff. By the time we got it all done it was pitch dark. It was Jody's dream I tell ya. He would have loved that scene, which made me appreciate it more.
I have only been here a short time, yet I find myself trying to put up defenses against the pull of this place. I asked Joel before I came "will I get trapped there?" and of course he was like "you can leave whenever you want". I am sure I can. It is a bit disconcerting how island like it feels though. Time just passes and I find I am rather content. But NO, I tell myself. I have things to do, people to see, and places to be. right?
Currently listening : B-Sides By Damien Rice Release date: By 03 August, 2004

warrior princesses and maybe part 2

2007-05-07T10:59:00.001+09:00

I just got a blog post about xena the warrior princess. She is a theme in my life; despite the fact I have never been all that impressed with her. I have always been more of a wonder woman girl. But me and my completely seemingly confortable with his sexuality friend Chris and I sometimes wore candy necklaces on our heads and claimed to be warrior princesses. So did my oldest pal, Sara. So last night when a bachelor party came into the bar I was in and layed Fishy for 3 dollars I wasn't shy about asking him to lay me. He gave me the lay and I proceeded to become a warrior princess whose tag line was "I'm Pretty" in a very girly voice. And damnit, I was pretty :) I had the most beautiful pink and white flowery THING in my hair. Today I tried to recreate my prettiness with a "work boot shoe string" that was actually bought for the sole purpose of tying some random thing to some friends car and not claiming responsibility... my step mum's idea.
I should do part 2. Can I? I don't know. Part 2 of summing up; besides reinforcing my desire to hang with people on the west coast... Jules and Jay and Brendan and Joel; and reinforcing how fascinating I find these people... is about my overall umm, learning, impressions, feelings. I don't know.
Well. At some point (long island) I thought I wanted to take the LSAT and go to law school. When I first went to undergrad I thought I was going to be a lawyer. So it has always inspired me. This time of thinking on it was driven by the age old "I could travel more places with it". I still want to change the world. Who doesn't? Go drink in small town bars and you will find that every jo wants what I want :) I do love the idea. Yes. But. I remember PC in Chuuk and the western lawyers there. Even the divers there. And the mormons. All of them were driven by their jobs. None of them knew what I did. None of them had a host papa who threatened my suitors with fishing spear. None of them had a host bro of 14 who by actions alone drug me out to the sea where the surf hit the reef and put up a net to block the jelly fish so we could fish. I could go on and on. But I won't. The point is that yes, it appeals to me. But no. I kindof knew this before the US tour... but now it is ingrained... I am spoiled. PC and Micronesia spoiled me and I will always be looking for that experience again. I will. It sucks :) Yeah. But I also know I am lucky to have had it. I remember my first day in Egypt and this Brit who I came to be good friends with saying "wow, its so different from the western world" as we were riding in a cab to class and passing a McDonald's. At the time I was like "hello? whatever." But then I went to Korea. At the time, I didn't appreciate Egypt because it wasn't as "different" as my islands. Now. I do. Egypt had its Islamic culture going for it. That was a trip for me. A learning experience. Despite its western theme; it was Muslim and it was different. Korea felt like home only with a different language and a bit of "otherness" to it. Yeah. Micronesia spoiled me big. So I think I will got back to Korea and teach and make the ever needed dollar and do what I am doing now but in other places. Since I developed that thought I have found myself missing Korean things. Strange. But mostly, I have friends there, I know the ropes, there is money to be made and a service to be provided. I have been home for almost 5 months on what I made there. I could go to really remote hard to get to places for longer if I worked there another year.
Thus part 2. Everywhere I go the people say "what now?" or "what are you" or "who are you" or "what is your job" or "degree". In part 1 I talked about my issues with pressure. In part 2 I tell you that I decided. Lol. I hate the uncomfortable feeling when someone asks me what I do. I HATE it. But somewhere along the way I realized what I do... I travel. I am a traveler. Many of us are. When I made the realization I told my oldest pal, the one with a house, and (soon) child(ren), and a business.. and ya know? She said "me too". I love it. And I love some other things. I love the wind and I love the ocean; but not just the ocean. I love natural bodies of water. I always have; even before PC. Rivers, lakes, ponds even. But especially the ocean. People in Micronesia get lost at sea or fall overboard and drown as often as we have car wrecks that kill here in my home area. Pollap there were no cars, lol. and on Weno cars never went over like 20 cuz the roads sucked. Where did this come from and where is it going? I love wind and water and otherness. I love the idiosyncrisities (sp?) of other places in the world. Even Korea, which I didn't like that much. I find myself telling about it often. Not as often as Pollap; yet more than I thought I ever would. I love the non norm. And where better to get it than other countries? I do also love coming home to discover that we, as a nation, are so enmeshed with Brittany Spears' personal life. I love it and I hate it. I love it because I feel like "oh yeah, I can rely on America" and I hate it because I feel like "hello, America is like, the most powerful and free country in the world... and this is our news?" Blah. I am babbling. I am a traveler. The world intrigues me. Always and especially Africa and I will get there one day although technically I was there. Egypt. Africa or Middle East? I was in Africa. But I dream of more. Lol. Always. But a plug for home. I love home. Northwest Wisconsin. Recently i had a good inquiry about "home". And I know... even if my parents both moved away from here... I would come back every few years anyway. I might not know anyone (but probably I would) but I would still come and chill and take in the beauty and hang with the folks hanging here...
That's it.

Summing Up - Part 1

2007-05-06T04:57:00.000+09:00

We made it home after a long 30ish hour drive. It wasn't very exciting; other than the other-worldly feeling one often gets from lack of sleep. Home hasn't been the whirlwind it usually is; partly because I don't feel desperate to hook up with people I saw just a mere 3 months ago, and partly because I haven't really told that many people I am home. So... I am home :)
I've been grappling with what I learned on this trip, ya know? Like, what did I take away from it? And it's strange because I have a very difficult time thinking of it as one long trip. Due to the number of people I visited I feel more like I took many mini-trips and took something from each person I hung out with. But then I think, what is the big meaning of it all? I know I went out searching for something... looking for, as my dear friend in Chicago reminded me, something that compelled me. Something to inspire me on my next great adventure. Some days I feel like what I found was a close to broke state and all I feel compelled to do is go back to Korea and teach and make big money fast.
So, maybe I should recap... my first stop in Chicago I already talked about. I was reminded that I don't have to have my whole life all planned out, I can go with my gut and change as often as I want. This is ok. Contrary to popular belief, this is something I struggle with often. I so often fight the pressure to settle down and settle in and live "normally". And long ago I accepted "normal" and those who choose to live "the American Dream" so to speak. However, I know it is not for me. It stifles me and makes me depressed. However again, I fight the urge to please those who find my "instability", so the speak, instable :) So, Chicago reminded me that I am ok.
Indiana reminded me that I dearly love my grandma and need to consistently make more time in my life to spend with her. (I should email her now that I think of it, what a shit I am!) She is an insightful woman who I can learn a lot from. (This theme recurs throughout the trip).
Detroit reminded me that people can find happiness. Without me even :)
Buffalo...umm, I'm not sure. Don't drive in snowstorms? No, actually what I got out of Buffalo is for me and Buffalo... Molls, if you read this; call me, let's talk.
Long Island, ha. I learned a person can go to law school AND party like a rock star at the same time... or maybe not. We will see shortly. I was also reminded that friendships change. No matter how people say they won't, or try to remain static, people and relationships just change.
Boston reminded me that I loved the Peace Corps and all the Chuuksters, no matter how shady ;) and that as my first fellow travelers; I will always feel a special bond with them. Maine, where I didn't see anyone I know, reminded me that the world is not an over-populated mess; at least not in the winter time in northern US.
Baltimore taught me that some people are just meant to party and are good at it and that's cool :) You go girl!
The drive to Tennessee was beautiful and I slept in a rest stop all alone and I didn't think I would sleep but I did and I danced a jig when I woke up because I did it and woke in one piece! It was very freeing. (I can imagine all the people gasping right now, lol, don't worry, I slept with a knife ;) Tennessee was messed up and I still don't know where I am at with it. I drove around Clarksville thinking about how I almost lived there. I had even given notice at my job in Korea last May and was planning to just... I don't know. Move to Clarksville and live with this guy who drove me crazy when he was around, let alone when he wasn't. Tennessee was supposed to be a nice and tidy closure but it wasn't and still isn't. My surprise there, I guess, is that even when I think I have everything wrapped up into a neat little package... surprise! My emotions don't always match my brain. And let me tell you, it pisses me off, lol. Possibly more to come on this.
Atlanta. My aunt and uncle are awesome and I am so glad I got to know them better. More people I could learn a lot from. I spent my longest period of time in Atlanta and it was great. I felt sad to leave after two weeks. It was easy to entertain the thought of just living there; settling down and settling in. Maybe because they are so not settled in or down, lol. They RV a lot. And travel a lot by other means as well. I enjoyed the pictures and stories and developed wonderful ideas for my future travels. Jody joined me in Atlanta, and Sara visited. I love that Sara is my oldest friend and that we have been to the west coast, the east coast, and now the south together. I love her! And we rock! I love my brother too, but wow, what better way to remind oneself of the pain in the ass of siblings than to travel half the country together ;) No, seriously, traveling with him was interesting. There were pros and cons, as there are when ever you travel with someone else. Concessions to make that you wouldn't have to make if you were alone. That's the worst of it I think. The pros of course, are having a companion, someone to share things with, not to mention the benefit of a driver AND a navigator. Being both driver and navigator is a big ol' pain in the butt! I have to applaud us both on our patience and politeness and our ability to spend a month and a half together in a car and come away still friends. We also rock. I think we made each other crazy often, but we did a great job not freaking out about it and just being chill. In retrospect, heck, it's quite extraordinary really. I feel like the trip affected and maybe even changed him in little ways. It seems like he is braver in the world at large. And I hope this is so, because I suspect he has desires to see more of the world, as I once did; but that he has been shy to try things. I hope he is able to take more risks now and go where his heart leads him.
Ok, Florida we saw a mass of people and it was way cooler than I thought it would be. I was reminded not to base my opinions on stereotypes because I really thought Florida would suck, but it didn't. It quite possibly was the friendliest state we were in. I briefly met some of Jo's friends and again... some people are meant to party (Ft. Lauderdale area). Tarpon Springs was great and our first glimpse of wild animals which was something we both were itching for the whole trip. We'd see moose signs or elk signs and get crabby knowing we wouldn't see any, lol. I was frustrated with the ocean in Florida. We did go into the water and play; as kids Jo and I were always swimming at Glen Hills long before anyone else would brave the frigid water, but I came to know the ocean in Micronesia where everything is free and clean. On Pollap I could walk ten steps, be in the ocean, throw on my snorkel mask and see wondrous things without even moving. Thus the frustration here. Maybe there are places like that here in the US, places the local people go maybe. I don't know. It reinforced the uniqueness of my Pollap experience and made me yearn for the oceans of there.
Louisana reminded me that sometimes its good to have a hardy plan and that I can still spin a lovely tall tale :) I was also struck by the still aftermath of Katrina and how we forget about others' hardships so easily when it isn't on the news. It's sad.
We blasted through Texas and ... well, most of the rest of the trip was a blast through. I want and almost feel a need to spend more time in the west. When I headed out on this trip I hoped to slow its speed in the west and hang out. Instead it seemed totally opposite. I want to hang out with my peeps in the west, I miss them and hope to spend more valuable time with them soon. Impressions? New Mexico and Arizona have power to suck a person in and slow down time. I loved it. I also hung with a high school friend in Arizona. A friend who, throughout time, has tried to get me to pack up and go off with him on travels; so that was interesting. California is still the coast I love most :) It's beautiful. And I love my west coast pals and had a great time visiting with them but want to spend more time. I even missed one of them in the rush to get home. This is getting long; and I do have ideas on the grand scheme. But my folks are home now and we are having lasagna and beers together today. Then it is back to the world of dial up at my other folks'... but I will try to finish this soon. Maybe this weekend. Funny, I sped through the west again, lol. Until next time...

3 Months on the Road

2007-04-22T13:18:00.001+09:00

Saturday, April 21, 2007
Approaching 3 months... Current mood: optimistic Category: Parties and Nightlife
We made it to California today. I can't believe I have been on this trip for almost 3 months and I still have money :) We spent a couple of nights in New Mexico, a couple of nights in Arizona with my high school pal, and, sadly, a couple of nights in Las Vegas :) I think we are both just ready to be home at this point. We had a fun mud-bogging trip in New Mexico. We decided to visit what was labeled a "ghost town" on the map. It had snowed and it was warm and the road to the town was dirt... or rather mud due to the melting snow. We were going along fine until Jody stopped the car so we could talk to some cows standing along the road. They were cute, very friendly, but didn't speak English unfortunately. Once we started back up the road was pulling us all over and Jo was cranking the wheel while we basically slid sideways down the road. He cranked the wheel right and left but to no avail. We REALLY thought we were going to bite it. Many times in fact. Once we were going we didn't want to stop again for fear we would sink. Suddenly Jo noticed something coming down the one-lane mud trail; it looked as if it had pulled out of a driveway... so as we were freaking out wondering what we would do we noticed it bobbing up and down... "is it a horse?" I asked... a minute later we had our answer as a young cow came bounding down the road directly at us. It was hilarious. We honked the horn before it barreled into us and it stopped but that didn't help much. So Jo honked again and it took off into the brush. It was rather amusing.
After spending a couple of days with my friend Joel I think I have decided to head home, gather some goods and head back to Sedona for the summer. He lives in a house with 2 couples, one of which owns the house and they were all very welcoming and chill. They have a rather pleasant communal living arrangement or at least it appears pleasant from a spectators perspective. In any case, Sedona is beautiful. Being there made me feel a bit like I felt on Pollap; it was odd. I don't know if it was Sedona or the people I was with; but life just seemed slow and less serious there. Things that should be irrelavant really felt irrelevant while I was there. So, changed plans again, no surprise there.
Now I am scrambling to see my pals and get Jody home before he kills someone :) He is ready to be home I think. I think I am ready for home for a few days too. Ready to be settled for a spell. Sadly, I missed some PC friends in Texas and I missed some friends of a friend too due to my poor poor planning. We just up and go a lot. I am thankful for those I have been able to connect with though... it's been a grand ride and the best may be yet to come! I love the PACIFIC!!!

From Myspace Blog

2007-04-13T16:05:00.000+09:00

Thursday, April 12, 2007
Changes
Current mood: restless Category: Travel and Places
We up and decided to leave Louisana. We worked for the duration of Kentwood's cleaning project and gave the temp agency 2 days and they came up with nothing. So I did some very uncharacteristic sweet talking and got money back from the campground and we packed up and left. It had been rainy our days off, so we spent a lot of time sitting in the car. It had become rather miserable and I am not real sure what the hell we were thinking. We decided it was all Crappy's fault, Jo's friend who was in the fair at Hammond when we originally got there. We went there to see her, got to know the town and said what the heck and just stayed. When we should have ventured out more and searched for other options. Anyway, the minute we decided to go I could feel tension and miserableness leave us both. It was a good decision. Before we left we went exploring the French Quarter in New Orleans and also drove through some of the wreckage from Katrina. It's quite amazing the mess that is still there. I know I went on about this in one of my blogs already, but truly, I can't believe it is still so bad...
Anyway, now we are in Texas. Dallas. Staying with a friend of Jo's. We aren't staying long as I have made plans to visit my pal from high school in Sedona Arizona on Monday. I am really excited to see him and we are both excited to cross New Mexico and Arizona. Today we bummed around and drove through Dallas after nightfall... and wow. The skyline is incredible. I was in awe. I have always loved Chicago's skyline and all I could think was "way cooler than Chicago". All the buildings were outlined in Christmas lights in different ways. One was completely outlined in green, another had blue criss-crossing the building, one had a ball of clear lights on its roof... it was really something.
Enough for now. I need to hit the sheets so we can leave again tomorrow... decidedly, my favorite thing on this trip is leaving :)
11:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Work and Weekend Fishing
Current mood: contemplative Category: Travel and Places
I think Jo is going to blog again soon, that's ok, I am going to also. We worked Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at Kentwood Springs Bottled Water plant. We both kind of hate it and both wish we could work on the line or else zip around on the dozen forklifts they have in the warehouse. Friday wasn't so bad though; I didn't do a lick of cleaning but instead made airplane boxes all day. Everything is automated at this plant; it is an amazing process to observe. Cardboard boxes are loaded into a machine and made up automatically. Bottles and caps are also hand loaded. I am not sure where the water comes from, but I do know bottles are filled automatically. Palletization is also automated and forklift drivers must take the pallets as fast as they are produced. It's cool. The people there seem to like us and talk to us a lot. The warehouse guy was telling me that people have changed since Katrina; he says they don't care as much and aren't as friendly. I noticed that while people here are very friendly, they seem preoccupied and not real interested in outsiders. The woman at our campsite told me this state is crooked and all the fema money didn't go to help the people so people are distrustful (sounds like Chuuk!). She doesn't know where it went. I don't know, this is just what she says, so who knows. My only opinion is the above one; ppl are friendly, just rather absent when conversation gets too personal or deep. Maybe I will develop an opinion as to why this is at some point.
So we were/are happy for the weekend; except its FREEZING. Tonight's low is supposed to be 37; makes camping FUN. Today we bought a one day fishing license, donned hats and scarves and went and sat in 58 degree fishing weather. I have to laugh at us in our hats and scarves when I know that 58 at home would bring out the shorts. We are weatherized down here already. We did catch some fish though, but not enough to cook so we threw them back. It was fun though and we are learning a lot about fishing down here. Crickets are big for bait.. but we seem not to be able to get into using them. We bought a bag and drove around with them on the dash. When we went fast they went crazy hopping against the bag. I just sat there, staring at this bag of 25 crickets while Jody laughed. Then when we slowed down they started to sing and stopped jumping around. It was weird. I was like, "ok, our new pets". We ended up trying one and letting the rest go. "Free Jimminy". Whatever. We met a cute puppy today too named like Star Dancer or something. I can't remember... Star something. It was just a pup and so frisky; it was fun. I miss mom's cats :( Off to watch a movie and snuggle in to my sleeping bag. Happy Easter tomorrow ya'all :)

Katrina

2007-04-04T10:53:00.000+09:00

We are staying in tents at what used to be a KOA. They have a nice pond, which they call a lake (I am sure Jo mentioned this; as well as the locness monster, which I did also see), great showers, a small kitchen area, and a pool. We also, for a fee, have wireless access. We are about 20 miles north of New Orleans and on our way here we drove through Gulf Port. I was startled by the mess left by Katrina. Stupidly startled. Because the world is strange and while the news often gives us blurbs on how the Katrina area is still a mess its like we don't register it or something. Or at least I don't/didn't. I wasn't in the states during Katrina, but I did hear about it and saw coverage and am still hearing the gripes about it in regards to the Bush administration and their stand up job of running the country. But to really see it... wow. And I didn't even see the worst of it. What we did see was like a ghost town. I was so not thinking that I was concerned we might have been in a not so good neighborhood. It was all so deserted and run down. But then I started to see the heaps of rubble and the still standing buildings with electrical wires hanging down like cobwebs and the debris along the shore and realized we were in Katrina territory.
Back to our campsite... the day we checked in the woman at the desk told us that all the rv's were Katrina related... still and this far away from New Orleans (it is about a 40 minute drive). Yesterday, a different woman told me that only two of the rvs belong to families devasted by Katrina and she said those families are not going back. I wonder where they will go. She said the rest of the rvs belong to insurance claims people and the like, maybe ppl working to build back NO. She said a lot of people left, which would explain why every retailer, restaurant, and fast food place is hiring I guess.
Speaking of which, we worked today through a temp agency. We worked at a bottled water factory. They spent the last 6 months putting in a new line and hired temps to clean. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, Jody and I worked in two different areas and both of our "supervisors" discussed hiring on as full time employees. I didn't really enjoy the cleaning, but I loved watching the machinery of the place... it was the most automated plant I have ever been in and I am quite sure I would enjoy the line much more than the cleaning. I think Jo agrees. We go back Thursday for more sweeping and mopping; strange to think someone would want to hire a person to run their equipment based on how well a person sweeps and mops... huh.

Jody and I are blogging together on myspace. If you are on myspace, please add us and subscribe to our blog (I just copied this one from there and I probably always will but you may want to read what he so eloquently has to say). The addy to the blog is http://blog.myspace.com/travelusa

2007-03-23T13:00:00.000+09:00

I did go forward with the lap top, and I must say, I already feel like my world has significantly changed. It reminds me a bit of how I didn't have a computer at my home in Korea my first 8 months and once I had one it felt like the world had kind of opened up for me. Actually, that might have been when I first started blogging. The biggest difference with having one's "own" computer is, I think, a sense of ease. There is no rush, and the hours can waste away with no one waiting to use their "own" computer that you are on, or with no fees or 30 minute time slots. Now I feel like I can blog :)

On that note...I have this random friend and he will know who he is... but this random friend who I met in the Peace Corps emailed me today. He actually reads this thing, and I always feel like I know he will be reading it. Most people know that I consider my friends from PC to be very close friends, especially all the Chuuksters. A couple others too, but especially the Chuuksters and even those not in Chuuk are special in this way that is so completely indescribable. Anyway, I have not seen this guy since I left Chuuk but I feel closer to him now than when we were there in many ways. I think partly because we stay in pretty good touch, and partly because we have taken similar paths since PC with the teaching thing and even with stints in the US. We just kind of did them in reverse order. Anyway, referring to my last blog he said he could see me as a carny, said he thinks I would be good at it. So ok, I could just email him back, lol, but it struck me as so peculiar that I wanted to blog about it. I mean, I don't really think it is every person's dream to be a carny or to be considered good carny potential. I am sure they are out there, but this too seems random. So of course I had to ask myself, what does this mean? What makes someone "good" at being a carny? What makes someone a good match for this position? Surely we all want our carny's to be good "people people" yes? Ok, check. What else? And how can I not think of the stereotypes from youth? Even my own family say "yeah Mis, just knock out a tooth or two and you can get a job as a carny". Where did this stereotype start I wonder? Anyway, back to serious considerations...I think of ride operators and parents putting their children's lives in the hands of these operators... so maybe someone with some attention to detail, someone able to learn the intricacies of appropriately operating machinery. Ok, Umm, well, I CAN do that. Oh, and of course... someone willing to travel. Someone with no roots :) Someone who doesn't mind bumming from town to town. Check. Apparently. So, now that I have processed this out a bit, ok sure, I get it. And as I know my dear friend is even more rootless than I; I further understand his rather tentative statement along the lines of being somewhat envious of my future carnyness.

A couple random thoughts and then some not so random... I haven't been traveling with my brother long, but long enough to remember he is my brother and can annoy hell out of me. Interestingly though, things that used to annoy me about him before I started traveling overseas are really just no longer applicable. And some things, for example, one's ability to make plans, now annoy him where his ability or lack of used to make me nuts. Now it seems I am the less organized person plan wise. Regardless of changes, regardless; I think, of who one travels with 24/7, people are bound to get annoyed. But there are moments in the annoyment that rock. For example, we were driving and both kind of crabby and we passed a sign for "Monkey Jungle" (a town I think) and we both kind of glanced at each other to see if the other noticed and then we both just cracked up laughing. We do this a lot with silly little things. It makes me happy to have a companion on this trip. Another thing, we were marveling at the fact that there have been no speeding tickets; but then we noted how my car shakes in convulsions if you get much over 70 and we were like "oh yeah, that's why we haven't got any speeding tickets" (knock on wood).

Being in Florida, near the sea, makes me miss (I almost wrote "home" omg, what is that?) Pollap and Chuuk. I love the sea and I am always thinking I am going to do all these things with her. I think I will swim with her currents, dive within her depths and enjoy her holdings, fish for the sustenance she may offer... and then I get a reality check... those things are not as easy here in the US as they were in Micronesia where I first truly met the sea and got to know her a little. It's frustrating, but I know I will strive to continue this relationship. I remember the rewards, and even here in the US I get tastes of those rewards. It's worth it. But I do miss my sea home, where all I had to do was wake up, throw on a snorkel and walk 15 yards to the shore and stick my head in the water to see wonders. That's a far cry from a $70 snorkel tour where you have be hauled out to sea to where things are not so damaged and the sea life isn't non-existent as a result. Lol. I am spoiled so bad. I know this to be true, but I can't help it when so many of my firsts were in such a wondrous place, ya know? I am spoiled. I must constantly remind myself I am truly blessed to have had that experience... but still, it shouldn't be that way, should it?
Off to the carnival ;)

Update

2007-03-22T00:04:00.000+09:00

Wow. So much time has passed since I last blogged... and with time comes experiences!

I stayed with Aunt and Uncle in Atlanta for about 3 weeks. I had a wonderful time with my Aunt Betty visiting many of the tourist attractions in that area. We also spent a fair amount of time just gabbing. By the time I left I was comfortable enough that I felt actually pretty sad leaving. At the end of my stay there, my friend Sara and my brother Jody flew into Atlanta for a visit. Sara only stayed a few nights and the three of us did a nice job of partying it up as well as seeing some sights. We went to the Georgia Aquarium, ate at fine restaurants and managed to find a huge bar/gaming room which we all decided Wisconsin really needs. The day Sara left Jo and I headed to Jacksonville, FL area to visit some friends of his. We spent a night in a small town near his one friend and the next day we hit the beach! It was lovely. We found the coolest camp ground, set up tent and went swimming. It was a sweet site, except the beach was always littered with big fat jelly fish, but even those were interesting to look at.
So, this camp site had a big ol' sign out front saying "Now Hiring" which naturally led to conversations of work. I think most people know that I had hoped to find odd jobs on this trip if for no other reason than to NOT blow my whole savings account on it. Well, to make a long story short, I have basically taken on a traveling companion, one that needs to work thus providing me with motivation to really sit still and just work as well. Now Jody and I are putting in applications from Florida to New Orleans and are planning to go where ever we appear to have options to work. There is also a girl he knows in a "traveling carnival" in Louisana right now, so when it gets to the wire, we have an option to find her. I happen to LOVE this idea. I wish I had being a carny on my list of things to do before I leave this lovely earth... I don't, but I am going to add it :)

Ok, so after making major life decisions I randomly got an email from a friend of mine I knew in Korea who I thought was still in Mexico and discovered he is home and home is Fort Lauderdale area. So that is where I am now. I am staying at his parents house and just chilling. It's a nice neighborhood. We are talking about heading down to the Keys, it seems logical being this close. I feel like there could quite possibly never be a reason for me to ever come back to Florida. Not that I don't like it, I just know it isn't hight on my list. We saw an alligator the other day at a park in the everglades; that was a bit hair raising although I know it shouldn't be. I really like seeing animals in the wild, I wish there were more to see.

So that's the quick on the updates for now. Oh, and I am going to invest in a lap top in hopes of having more consistent access to the internet and email. So hopefully I can email more often! Take care all and stay in touch!

Georgia

2007-03-05T11:47:00.000+09:00

I've been staying with my aunt and uncle north of Atlanta for almost 2 weeks now. It's been very relaxing and fun. My aunt has always intrigued me because she is one of two of eleven kids who moved out of WI. But since she moved I have never known her well. She is the oldest and my dad is the youngest; I think we figured they span 22 years. So her children are my dad's age and her grandchildren are my age and some of them live down here too. I have had the opportunity to spend time with her daughter and with her grand-daughter (who is my age) and even with her great-grand-daughter who is 6ish. It's been a fun and enlightening experience getting to know this part of my family better. I love it. And my aunt tells great stories, so I have had the opportunity to go back in time and get to know some other family members from my aunt's memory as well. I love hearing about everyone, but I especially enjoy hearing about the women in my family. I try to trace hereditary personality traits; its quite fun. And I find I can identify with my grandmother in very significant ways after having this visit. Of course, there are ways I can't also... like the 11 kids thing. Nope, not feeling a connection there :) Although I have found myself missing my friends' children. Them and my mom's cats. Cats and children, those things make people happy right? So it makes sense.
I have also done a fair amount of sight seeing in Atlanta and Savannah. The south is different. This is my conclusion thus far :) Things seem a bit slower (this could be in part due to the fact that I am staying with a retired couple), people seem friendlier in general, and... I don't know how to describe it... random things will take me aback and I will find myself thinking "I didn't know people still did that" or "I didn't know people still thought that way". Someone told me southerns still believe the civil war is going on... maybe its something like that; although I haven't noticed this phenomenon first hand.
Thursday my brother and my friend Sara are flying into Atlanta to visit. We are going to drive over to Florida to visit a friend of my brother's and hang out near the lovely and vast sea. I love the sea and can't wait. After they are all gone I will head out again to places unknown... although I begin to feel pressure to go home, I just don't know why, lol. Yeah, that same old pressure... the readers of this must get sick of hearing my "what next" dilemma. But I am feeling that constant nag again. I am considering law school, but not until 2 falls from now... so even that concrete decision would leave me with "what next?" I will NOT spend next winter in WI, lol. So a year long job there is out of the question... but I am leaning towards settling someplace in the US until I either follow through with the law school thing or do something else. I can not help but laugh at myself when I reread this junk. That is just what it sounds like... junk. Wishy-washy hogsmaggle. For now... breath. I have money and I have a car and I have places to go... so I need to just .... be.
One last Georgia thought... since I know many of my readers are in WI... its warm here :) And green. And there isn't any snow. Not that snow is the worst, I know the cold is the worst but I also know most of my readers also have jobs (unlike myself) and must get to work, therefore making snow possibly worse than the cold... so, no snow, green, warm (today was low 50's though and people here were crying about the cold... doesn't that sound lovely? been high 60's though) and the trees are budding and flowers are out.... I could live here. Enough said ;)

Dreams & More Random Thoughts

2007-02-20T02:51:00.000+09:00

I'm sitting in what I can not help but think of as a PC Bong; the woman behind the counter is even Korean, lol. So I never used Internet Cafes (as I believe we call them here) much until I went to Korea and in Korea they are PC Bongs. So I am in a PC Bong in TN. The problem I am running into is that when I am visiting friends and fam with a computer I do not particularly want to sit and blog; I want to visit. So then when I am on my own and want to blog I have no access to a computer. So I journal and life is good :)

I have had two weird dreams in the last week or so. They seem to come at proper times. In the first I was in my home in WI and I had a baby with me, I think one of my friends' children. There was a tornado and I took the baby into the basement and was shielding her. Nothing happened so we were called back upstairs and that was when the tornado hit. It shook the house and we could all hear things rattling and then the house started to spin (like Wizard of Oz) and then it just stopped. One wall was gone and it seemed the house had landed on a cliff and the open wall was over-looking a land of destruction with tornadoes whirling about off in the distance. People starting running out of the wall and falling off the cliff so I was screaming for them to stop and still holding the baby when someone bumped me out the side. I reached for a scrap of ... house? Of something and held on. The scrap started to tear but slowly and ended up letting me and the baby down to the ground with only a slight jarring. The baby's mother came and I remember feeling relieved; but then everyone was saying that the baby wasn't breathing. I was pissed, and grabbed the baby and delivered baby CPR and she came around and was fine.
The other one I had last night. Me and some people were diving. We were trying to find something for these other people. Jackson was in it and a long ago friend from college who I am not even in touch with anymore. Anyway, while we were diving Jackson got his foot cut off (sorry dude) and I had to bring him to the surface. He got out and I had to go back down and everyone was running out of air and it became apparent that our equipment had been tampered with. We all came back up and when we came up it was like these indoor docks and we walked from these straight into house. The people we were working for told us we were locked in the house and they split us all up. The house was haunted but we were all like "Scooby-Doo" and didn't believe it and were trying to find the tricks. It was so bizarre. In one room the covers moved and writhed as if someone was under them. And my friend grabbed them and said "there are wires in the blankets" and I (again) felt relieved only to find myself in horror as she started to rip the covers away from the bed and it became obvious something was pulling them from her. Then my friend disappeared and I woke up. Ok... any dream analysts out there?

Maine was very fine. And although I don't know every setting of King's books, I could envision many of them happening in the places I passed and even where I stayed. The Shining was especially vivid to me. Maybe due to the movie. Many places were boarded up for the winter and kind of abandoned looking. Whole cities along the coast sometimes felt long dead. I stayed the night at a lodge and visited a pub. I left a "Charlie's Bar" pen from Clayton in there :) Anyway, there were a couple of people in there and they left shortly after I arrived so I had a chance to visit with the bartender. She was closing up at 8:30 and said that was pretty common on the weekdays. She was very friendly and chatted about her life in Maine, her family and her wish to travel more (seems a recurring theme, once ppl hear I am just toodling around). Maine reminded me a lot of WI with its forests and small towns. But parts also reminded me of Korea, the kind of hilly/mountainous parts of Korea that are not populated. And of course I drove along the coast mostly, so that didn't really remind me of anything :) My ocean experience is so wrapped up in Chuuk and Pollap that I have a hard time believing any ocean in cold weather is really the ocean. I still loved it. I love water. All of it I have decided. Water and this trip would be a blog of itself.... so.
Again, I know I am not doing justice here, but I hope that by jotting some things down I can come back sometime and do a better job.
So, when I left Maine was when my scratch off ticket obsession started. I have been getting scratch offs for my friend Chris since I left. But leaving Maine was when I started going out of my way to get them because I went across and into Vermont just to get a scratch off. Lol. Also because I had time, but mostly to get a dang scratch off from Vermont. This trend has not ended. I have done this same thing for 3 other states- Rhode Island, West Virginia, and North Carolina... so I hope these states are big winners :) Its fun anyway.
After Maine, I stayed another night in Boston and then headed out in that northeastern storm ya'all maybe heard about. Did I mention Jackson is an awesome host? He is/was and we had such a lovely visit. Felt as if no time had passed at all. I love that phenomena. I barely stayed a night in Baltimore with another PC pal. I arrived quite late and she had to hit the road quite early and timing wasn't really great. But overall, I think we did quite well with the time afforded to us. I was late due to weather. Strange thing in the New England area... radio stations. There are so many and you can get stations from all these different cities. The traffic and weather reports made me crazy because I would be driving along, listening, and crying out "what city?? where is xxxfreeway backed up to xxxroad??? where is that freeway shut down??? where is the snow letting up??? Just PLEASE tell me from what city you are reporting!!!" Eventually the stations usually says, but never during an actual weather or traffic report.
After my second horrendous drive through bad weather, and after the effects of mostly feeling like all of the east coast is one big city, I was thrilled to see cows in Virginia. I took a couple days off the freeways in Virginia (with side trips to West Virginia and North Carolina for the almighty scratch offs) and made my way to Tennessee to visit another friend I met in Korea. That pretty much brings me up to date. There's more of course, but its getting late and while this has all the feel of a Korean PC Bong, the prices are much much different :)

One thing I have found quite interesting... every time I leave a place and hit the road again I feel so excited. I laugh at it every time. I love this feeling. Here in TN I met two women truck drivers. They were so fun to chat with. Very cool. I love all the different accents I hear everywhere too. Felt like the east coast accent so abruptly gave way to the southern one, it was kind of disconcerting.

I am on my way today towards Atlanta to visit my aunt. I can already feel the bubble of excitement the road brings. Oh, and the best thing? It is like, really warming up. Today is the first time on this trip that I have felt warm. It is in the high 40's here. When I left WI it was 30's, so as I have been travelling and hitting the weather and all that I keep telling myself "it's worse at home". The last couple of days may have been 30's here, but it was colder at home. Still, I am happier the higher above freezing it gets... so whoppeeee!
Love to All.

Catching Up

2007-02-12T08:49:00.000+09:00

I have actually been keeping a written journal on this trip, so that makes me feel less bad about how little I have been blogging. It turns out it is not so easy during my visits to get to a computer and sit and actually collect my thoughts. So... I think I left off in Indiana with my Grandma. Which consequently may have inspired to try to write a book where a woman (who would that be?) is taking some kind of important trip and stops by her grandmother's home first. As she road trips she contemplates the stories told by her grandmother while her own life is unfolding. A story within a story, I bet no one has ever done that :) Completely not based on real events or people of course. I remember that since the age of 12 I have loved my grandma's stories. I also recalled, once I started journaling, how quickly the details get lost in my jumbled mind. I have needed that tape recorder I left back home a couple of times now...
From my grandma's I went to the burbs of Detroit and visited a friend there. It was short and sweet and I found her pleasantly more happy than I have ever known her to be. This makes me happy. Then the real fun started as I headed out of Detroit and into Canada. My friend said, "Beware of lake effect weather" as I left and I thought, "yeah, yeah". Of course at first there were only flurries and shortly upon crossing into Canada I decided to get off the freeway to see the country side. Ha, right. I couldn't see a thing and even if I could I really needed to keep my eyes on the road. So I turned back after about 10 grueling miles that felt like 40. Back on the freeway things were fine and I continued on. As I crossed back into the US on the Rainbow Bridge I was able to see through the snow enough to glimpse the Niagra Falls. It was rather surreal with all the snow and the blowing and the falls and I had my windows down and I could hear them. It was just cool. Back in the US, in New York, it was awful. It was blowing, no one could see, everyone was driving slow. And of course I was lost. The snow was so messed up that one side of all road signs was covered, typically the side I needed to see. Anyway, a 5 hour drive took me 8 and I was much ready for the offered glass of wine when I finally found my way. I spent a couple of nights and the superbowl with my friend and her husband and baby. We went to her family's for the superbowl and her family is just so kind, and real. It was nice, I really felt like I could identify with them. Because it was so cold, blustery and typically evil out it was a very mellow couple of days (I see this region now has like 90" of snow, wow, good thing I got out when I did). It did snow the whole time I was there but was clear and sunny the day I left although like 15 below zero.
So far I have not hit any more weather, but I might start pushing my luck in the next couple of days. I went from the Buffalo area to Long Island where my friend from Korea lives, and I made it without incident. I stayed 5 nights. We ate good food, drank good beer, had good conversation, hung out in the city like 4 of those 5 nights. It was freezing, but it was good. The city did not intimidate as much as I had expected to. Neither did the lifestyle. I feel like I would need to make some readjustgments in order to live there, but overall I think maybe Korea cured me of my city fears. I think about this and have to wonder if that could be dangerous. Afterall, Korea may be one big city, but it was one big city without much crime. Over and over on this trip I would love to be doing it in the spring. Not only for the city, but also the drive to NYC. I found New York state and Pennsylvania surprisingly and pleasantly beautiful. I am still having a great time but my mantra has become "south south, I gotta go south". I was also, during my stay on Long Island, inspired to consider the law school thing again. My friend is going to Hofstra and lives on the campus there so I had 5 days and nights of law school atmosphere. There's a lot more to say about this stop, well, about all my stops, but as this is a "catch up" I will stick with the basics for now and go back as time and relevance dictate. Ok, so now I am in Boston with my friend Jackson from Peace Corps (see previous blog comments). I wasn't sure this stop would happen but here I am. I'm enjoying the randomness of my stops as this is the second time I have stopped someplace planning to sleep over and hit the road the next day and found my host pleasantly assuming I would stay longer. Both times this has happened I just pretend that "yeah, I'm staying until then" because I can and I love it. Boston is another city that has always intrigued and I'm not sure why. I think it may be because I had a teacher in high school who knew I wanted to go into law and she was always trying to convince me to apply to Harvard. Which, consequently, Jackson is attending on a part-time basis. Maybe too because it's old. Just intrigued for whatever reason. Ok, so now I am caught up on events...

I'm here with Jackson and we have been rehashing our Peace Corps (PC) lives and I did this with everyone else also and again on Long Island about Korea and its weird. But I think its weirder here because Jackson lived a close experience to mine in that he was on an outer island, and we were in the same state so we saw each other a lot. So when I see others I am often learning about their experience, but here I am just straight up reminiscing and longing. Its fun, but a bit sad also. Ok, I have to end here. There are things I want to say but the words just aren't coming out the way I would like right now. It happens. Besides, Jacko is bugging me to hang out with him (so needy) and I need to hook him up on myspace so he can reconnect with some peeps and also meet my pal in Long Island. I feel I should apologize for the shoddiness of this post so I do apologize and will do better next.

Oh wait, I'm heading to Maine next. My friend Chris gave me $20 and some self addressed stamped envelopes and asked for scratch offs from states I go through. Between Chris and my curiousity about a state that could host a mind such as Stephan King's, I have decided to head to Maine and stay a night or two. Who knows what spooky adventures that little side trip might elicit!

Running Away from Home

2007-02-01T11:01:00.000+09:00

When I was 10 years old I was in a laundry mat with a friend and we were leaving. Everyone was out in the car except me and I was on my way out, looked up, and there it was. A night picture of the Chicago skyline. I was awe. Here I was, this little girl in the middle of nowhere living 8 miles outside of a town population under 1,000 (at the time), and I was impressed with this big city picture. I stared at it until someone came to get me. Then I went out and said I had to use the bathroom and went back in. And I don't know why... but on my way out I opened all the running washers so they stopped (little shit) and walked out thinking "I'm going there". It wasn't long after that I started running away. I never made it very far past the end of the fence, but once I ran away from school, and once I did make it from that small town a few miles out the opposite direction of my home. Unbeknownst to me, I was even going the right way. I knew I was heading to Chicago, but I had no clue how to get there. I think most of the time I left my runaway notes in hiding places so I always had time to snatch them back before anyone even knew I was thinking on it. In any case, I never "really" ran away (some people would beg to differ and say I have run away now several times... whatever :). So then, when I was 12ish my mom starting driving us all down to Indiana once a year to visit my grandma. And guess what city that trip took us through? And guess where my mom was most prone to get lost? Chicago. I loved it, but still there was no stopping and maybe it started to lose its appeal. The years went by and finally the year before my senior year of high school the family came home from Indiana and I hopped in my car and drove down there on my own... steak knife in the console and all (thanks mom:). Sometimes I wonder where my travel bug started and I often go back to that trip. The thrill of driving through the night, radio blaring, strangers in gas stations all going someplace, window down... and then getting a job in a new city, meeting new people, realizing I was rather "grown up". Realizing I didn't HAVE to depend on my parents, I had other options, granted, it was a grandma but it was still something to be away alone. I remember the lonliness I felt missing my friends, missing marching band season, the "otherness" I felt being away and upon returning. Strangely, I kind of enjoyed the romance of being "other", of being "alone", of having no one who could experience these 2 lives I had with me. I had close people at home, and close people away... but no one knew, REALLY knew, both lives.
So. I stayed with a friend in Chicago for a night. Of course a night is nothing but it was fun. The city life in the US has always intrigued me (obviously), so it was interesting. I can't explain it and I think its something city people can not really grasp... or maybe they can get it... maybe it is the same thing that drives city people to the country on weekends. The same thing that drives them to the cabins where I live and grew up. I'm intrigued, that's all. I think of cities as nice places to visit, maybe to stay for a spell, but certainly not a place I would want to settle down. Do city peeps feel like that about the country? I don't know. Anyway, it was snowing and we walked to this very attractive cafe with art work on the walls and a tidbit on the menu on how they started in like the 60's I think as a place working towards doing good works in the world. Lol, of course I was like, "yeah, if I lived here I'd come here all the time". Which it sounds like my Chicago friend does. It was all good, I just kind of wish I could have stayed longer...
And, now I am in Indiana at my grandma's and finding this "wanting to stay longer" a recurring theme. I suck because I originally had planned to head out sooner than I did. I procrastinated and had a date in mind but although I did have a time in mind I didn't really tell people because I was afraid I would do what I do which is CHANGE MY MIND!!! So last week I started emailing people like "I'm coming!" And I didn't want to impose on people so I planned short stays and planned times with people based on those short stays and blah blah blah... in any case, I have been to Chicago (go bears) and now I am in Indy (go Colts) and it looks like I will be in New York for the super bowl... how dumb is that? My granny is (awesome) like "stay for our party" and man I want too, but my friend in Detroit took Friday off work... whaddaya gonna do?

So, some more stuff.... before I left I wasn't as excited as I thought I should be. My one night in Chicago really changed that. I was chatting with my Chicago pal and she said some random thing that hit home with me so much that I was like...."OH YES, this is why I am going around the country visiting these incredibly intelligent, intuitive, fun, and loving people". She is awesome, I thank her for her candid and open conversation and her hospitality! But yeah, I am jacked now. I'm loving life (and wine with grandma) and just ready to visit! I found out my best pal in Korea is maybe going to be in NY when I am and another friend who I wasn't sure I'd get to see has worked out some stuff and... well, lots of fun stuff that I will get too later...

Right now, my grandma. For those who don't know, I love my grandma, think I loved her from the day I met her. I am at her house now and man, we just have the best time. We have talked about life stories of family, Christianity, politics, relationships, alternative lifestyles... the gamet; and she is pleasantly as open-minded, loving, and candid as she was 20-something years ago when we became friends. I find myself continuously surprised about the people who genuinely want to know about "over there"; where ever it is I have been. She is one. I remember in Peace Corps they said "no one will care, people won't want to really hear about it" and for the most part, that is true. But randomly people ask and show real interest and listen patiently as you try to describe the indescribableness of living in other countries, other cultures.

I guess the point is... times are good. Conversation is good. Not to say I wasn't loving being home and hashing life out with my best pals there, because I really was. I do have to admit, I was feeling some of that "I don't belong here" but I was also intensely aware, again, that my oldest friends, and of course my fam, know the core of me and love me no matter what. As does my grandma. So... if I am, once again, running away...its been a great trip and will continue to be. Peace out ya'all ;)

US Tour

2007-01-29T03:58:00.000+09:00

I'm heading out tomorrow to visit friends and family throughout the US. I am all packed including my "Guide to Short-term Job Opportunities" which may come in handy on the road. It's pretty extensive, anything from working on tour boats/buses to ranch jobs to camps to organic farming. Of course, if I decided to choose something from it the "choice" part is where I would get stuck. Is it me, or is this a recurring theme in my life?
Everyone keeps asking (as I know is natural) what I am going to do after this little expedition. And as I get down to the wire I have started to feel "wrong" about taking this trip. And I think it has to do with the answer to that question... which is "I don't know". I often feel like I want someone to tell me what to do... I even asked my pappy one night "what would you have me do?" knowing full well he is the one person who would TELL ME. Needless to say, I wasn't real satisfied with his answer. So I wonder, am I running off because I don't know? Always searching. There are so many options.

Anyway, the trip. I am going a bit south, then northeast, then real south to Atlanta to visit my Aunt. This is as far as I have planned. I do hope to be able and have the energy to continue on from there and visit the west. I love the west but it seems most of the people I know are in the east. I think that if I do choose to stop someplace for "short-term job opportunity" it will be in the west. Not a very thorough plan, is it? I love it and hate it :) I am going to attempt to keep a journal here of my travels. I hope it's interesting :) For me that is, well, for you too. I leave tomorrow and will be spending my first evening with a friend in Chicago, so I am not going far. I have never spent any time in Chicago although that was always the city I was running away to when I was child. Obviously I never made it far. So I am looking forward to it. Stay tuned to see if it lives up to my childhood dreams...

The World Is My Playground

2007-01-29T03:55:00.000+09:00

The World Is My Playground

Home Home

2006-12-16T03:18:00.000+09:00

I had this all typed up and the computer shut down. Grrr. And let me also mention that this connection is like 21.6K and it makes me crazy to even get on this thing and try to do anything.

So now I don't feel like going through it all over again. But I will. I have been off around now for almost 3 years. I have been home 3 times in that time, this being my 4th. I really felt like I knew what to expect, but the reality is never what you imagine it to be is it? I still can't help but look for a garbage for used tp versus flushing it. I still can't help giving and receiving money with two hands. I still can't help but be awestruck at commercials in English. And I knew these things would weird me out. I knew seeing people would too, but it's still not what I expected. It's like... it all is what I expected, but because I expected it I thought it would not be impressionable; but it is.

I was more excited to come home this time than any other time. I prided myself on not crying when I left Korea. I thought it meant I was making a "right" decision. And in 3 days of being home I had had 3 crying jags, and oh no, not the "gee this is great" variety. But more the "I don't belong here who are these people what have I got into" variety. The instant I had the "I don't belong here" feeling it was familiar, but I had forgotten it. Now that I remember it though, I also remember it doesn't last long, thankfully. Soon, instead of sitting in the midst of family and friends and feeling like time has stopped for no one but me and I am not really here... soon, I will be back in the midst, the center even, blabbing a mile a minute about last night's episode of Survivor, or about the new restaurant down the street, or about what so and so is doing... But for now I am at that in between stage. Can I ever really be part of this? And even do I want to be? And gee, I wish I could talk to a friend from Korea who knows where my life is at right this moment... but of course, that moment has also passed. Soon my old friends will once again be my new friends, and new friends I had made in Korea will be old friends. Life is interesting.

While in this stage, re-getting to know everyone in spits and spurts, I am enjoying some time alone refamiliarizing myself with home. Driving around the country and seeing the wide open spaces, almost hitting deer and marveling at their beauty as they prance off across the fields, gettting scratched up and sneezed on by my family's 5 sick cats. Yes, I said 5. It's nice. I HAVE missed the country.

I don't know. It's all strange. Even as I sit here I feel antsy. Like I should be doing something I'm not. I have a job offer from Indonesia I was supposed to have responded to by today. And I can't take it. I feel like I want to, or I should want to, or I will want to... but I can't, right now, tell them yes, I will be there come February. And I'm not sure what that means. Am I going to be idle here for the next month or so?

Well, I'm making myself crazy, which is why I haven't blogged before now. I knew I would. So, I'm off to find something to take my mind away from my uncertain and unknown future...

Counting Down

2006-11-13T23:12:00.000+09:00

4 weeks. Less than. On Sunday I finished my souvenir shopping and have just finished packing my first piece of luggage. I think I will be able to do it in two checked pieces and a carry on. I shooting to not even have to mail anything home. So, as much as I try... I am a collector... of junk. It's in my blood, it comes from my mother (love you mom ;). It seems to me that the desire to collect has intensified since I started traveling. In a way this makes sense, I should have cooler junk to collect, yes? But no. I want to hang onto the fanny pack type purse I have had since Micronesia... you know, the one that I had crackers in and so a rat ate through it in the night and ate the crackers. And then I sewed it only I sewed it wrong and couldn't zip it. Then I got it zipped and just couldn't use that compartment... then some dip decided to open it and now it won't close again so I use a key clip to keep it from flapping open and instead it just gapes open. I can't carry it in public in the western world without getting strange looks. So tell me... WHY? Why do I feel it is important to hang onto this? It went through Micronesia with me and now it hangs on my chair, the next place it will again just hang. If I am embarrassed to carry it, then it has no practical use... and it sure isn't attractive to look at just hanging there. Oh I know, its a holder. It holds my darts and my American change. Ok, now I can keep it, found a use for it. While I do collect junk, it is usually junk that was once useful. At least I don't do the knick knacky things. For example, the souvenirs I bought... I love that I can give them to my friends and if I ever feel the need to look at them and feel all nostalgic I can just go visit them. I don't need the junk cluttering up my place. I have plenty of ratty bags, flashlights, bead jewelry, pictures and journal type junk to clutter me. I really want to be free, lol. I wish I could go from here to there with one big backpack and that's it. Ahhh, life.

So, I am really really counting down. I know how many times I have left to teach of my classes. I have a list and x it out after each one. Makes the time go excruciatingly slow... I don't recommend it. But anyway, I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I was thinking I wasn't this excited after Peace Corps and wondering why this is. I think some of it has to do with being so stationary here and really feeling like I have a job. PC was 24/7 and it felt it, but it didn't feel like a job in the western sense, it just felt like life. Now I am working in the western sense and so I am looking forward to vacation. This is part of it. But I think the other part... the bigger part is that the city wears on me. On Pollap I had all the country I could ever want on the unpopulated half of the island. I could go off and sit in the open and contemplate life. There is no place to do that here unless it is inside my apartment. No solitude. I wonder if all that space will freak me out. I wonder if the stars are as amazing as I remember them. It weirds me out to think I lived by the cycles of the moon for a time. The phase of the moon determined where I could go to the bathroom in the night, what time of day I could go spear fishing, and whether or not I could sneak around undetected in the night or not. Now I rarely even see the moon. It's blotted out by neon... man, whoever invented neon should thank Korea. I just can't wait to see the openness. To walk in the country. I can't wait to see squirrels. I was noticing today that the parks here are very well set up for squirrels...but... there aren't any. One thing traveling has made me realize, well, I always knew but being away so much really drives it home, and that is that I love where I grew up and I love being able to go back there. I know one day it may not be there for me, but while it is I don't take it for granted. Home home. 4 weeks, countdown with me, eh? See you all soon!

Technology

2006-11-05T19:10:00.001+09:00

Last weekend I came home at 3 in the morning to find I had no power. As it was Saturday, I was powerless until Monday. This led to my conclusion that I have unimpressively become addicted to watching television. Then to my horror, after I was re-ignited with power on Monday my computer didn't work. I come home and the first thing I do is check email; I didn't even realize what a reflex response this has become until it wasn't there. I felt really ashamed. Since I am leaving in exactly 5 weeks now, I considered not replacing the computer that was given to me anyway. I was pretty set on it actually, feeling I deserved to be computerless for becoming so co-dependant on evil technology. The whole experience led to some comtemplation on my time spent on Pollap where there was neither electricity nor running water. I had to marvel at the recollection that, after a few days, I was used to it and my daily routine just didn't include anything requiring electricity. People are so adaptive, it's amazing really. And I spent my first 8 months here without a computer in my home; and it was fine, never even thought about it. I also went without a tv once for a year; and would have went longer had a friend not bought one for me. So, as I was comtemplating all these things and trying to decide whether or not to fix my computer someone asked me if I enjoyed having a computer at home... and well, yes I do. So I figured, you know, I'm a pretty social person... I don't hole up at home on weekends with my computer and tv. And I have clean clothes, clean dishes, and food in my refrigerator. So maybe the addiction isn't THAT bad. As far as I know, none of my friends are planning an intervention. So I decided not to punish myself these last weeks and fix it. Afterall, in 5 weeks I will be sharing a computer with my mother, who works online, and my brother, who I believe is more of an addict than I am :) Lucky for all you peeps out there who can now read my impressive writing (impressive considering I am watching Flintstones as I write). Oh, and the computer? The hard drive was wiped... it cost $30 and the lovely technician changed everything to English for me :) Bonus!!

War and Peace

2006-10-19T00:37:00.000+09:00

All this North Korean craziness... wow huh? It sure has a different spin being this close to it. So, imagine this, many foreigners in Korea are pretty political in the first place... being world travellers and all so of course there has been a ton of dialogue about this new development with Kim Jong Ill and his nuclear power. It's interesting; there are those who are young and invincible and think nothing of it, there are those who have been here forever and think little of it, there are those who have been here forever and are freaking out, and those in all the middles that may be. My friends and I have discussed it at length over beers and I find myself part of a group evacuation plan. It's reassuring. Reassuring to have the plan, just in case and reassuring to have friends to discuss and process fears with, offer reassurances to, and plan "just in cases" with.
So, in the midst of all this I had a very strange experience the day before yesterday... as I was leaving the gym a siren started to wail in my area of Daegu, maybe all over Daegu, I don't know. This happened once before as I was in the shower and I discovered later it was basically an attack warning practice. So there I was coming out of the gym. I came out in the middle of the siren and it went on for about 5 minutes. I didn't know what I would see and at first everything looked normal so I had a seat on a bench outside the building to have a cigerette (all that working out ya know :). The gym is right on this busy intersection where I have to cross to get to work, so I was sitting there and I noticed as the siren was winding down that there were security type people at all the crosswalks and they were heading into the street. So I looked at the lights to see if it was ok to cross and all the traffic lights were black. Then the siren stopped and I realized that the security people were stopping traffic and not letting people even cross the street. Some people were walking down the street but not crossing the major intersections. Then I saw a motorcycle delivery guy get stopped trying to sneak through on the sidewalk and then... all was still. It was this incredibly surreal and serene moment in time... it felt like the world had stopped around me. I have waited at this light every weekday for over a year, walked down this street, listened to traffic whizzing by and horns honking... the people idling even shut off their engines to wait it out. It was so quiet... and then I felt that brief moment of panic and fear as I let the reason to be running this drill come to the forefront of my thoughts... and I couldn't help it, I had to look up into the sky... and at the moment a low flying military plane flew through and my heart was racing and then it was gone and I put the reasons out of my head to focus on the rare, once in a lifetime serenity of the moment. Knowing that had the drill been real, the serenity of that moment would have been the same as everyone would have been taking cover. I had to wonder, would I take cover? Or would I enjoy my possible last moments in that peace? I was so awestruck, a smile even came across my face; people were looking at me strangely... (oh how I miss the quiet of the country, will it weird me out or will it feel like home?). After 15 minutes another siren went off and as soon as it did people starting RUNNING across the street from all sides and traffic starting moving from all sides and the lights did NOT come back on as soon as the siren went off... maybe a 30 second delay, long enough. People were running, horns were blaring and it was crazier than normal for a few moments. And in those few moments, I stayed on the bench, content to wait for the lights, and LAUGHED. I couldn't help it. This city is so fast and people are so late for something, man, I don't get it. I just sat and laughed, and while people looked at me strangely while I was smiling, no one noticed me laughing because the crazy fast life had started back up for everyone except me...

2006-10-08T15:43:00.000+09:00

The Korean Thanksgiving holiday is at its end. My school had wed.-fri. off and its been quite nice. I spent my holiday dog-sitting for a friend who lives down town so I was able to take long puppy walks by the river and party like a rock star in the down town area. I ate good eats with other foreign friends who did not jump ship over the holiday and played some smashing pool games by night. I spent time with a friend who is leaving and solidified a friendship with a woman I have "seen around" but never really sat and chatted with. It was relaxing. As it nears its end though, I feel a bit of sadness as I have been looking forward to this holiday for so long. It dawns on me that the next "big thing" in my life is leaving here. I hit the one year mark last week, it amazes me. I spent so much time planning to leave and never doing it and here I am, ready finally to make plans to leave "for real". It's such a weird transient place; the ex-pat community of Korea. Friends come and go so often. It's hard to get used too. As I contemplate leaving, the sadness is leaving the friends I have made. But unlike other places I have been I will not be able to come back and visit them, because most of them will be gone in a year's time. I have met people who go away and come back and are stunned to go to the old stomping grounds and know no one. Of course, there are those who stay on... and those who come back. And I will miss them, the lifers, the repeaters, and the "one-yr and I'm out" crowd. I am not a lifer... but I may be a repeater :) So yes, I will be sad to leave... but I have to say I am also really, really excited to go home and see old friends and my family. Happily, so far, this emotion is winning out. So, I am off to have one last holiday dinner with my dear friends in Korea. When I come home, I can start planning, packing and celebrating my approaching departure :) Wa-hoo!

Weapons?

2006-09-29T11:49:00.000+09:00

I was thinking today about how strange it is that kids here carry a little box cutter in their pencil cases. I was wondering how teachers in the US would respond to elementary or middle school kids taking out a box cutter to cut a piece paper. I was wondering if kids in the US can even have a box cutter in school. This city has 2.5 million people in it and Wednesday night I walked part of the way home from downtown at 1 in the morning by myself. As I walked that night I thought about how strange that was too. Will Korea ever "catch up" and start killing people in the streets at night? Will the city schools have to one day install metal detectors? Kids have also brought toy guns to school, completely innocent. It was like this in the States at one time, wasn't it? A toy was just a toy? These toy guns always make me do a double take, but the Korean teachers think nothing of it. It fascinates me, the normality of one culture is the "red flag" of another. It is a bit strange here. But then I remembered, kids in Micronesia brought machetes to school. I think I would be a mess in an American school or even in an American city for that matter.

Playing in the Street

2006-08-30T22:19:00.000+09:00

I went to the grocery store a couple of Sundays ago. I live in an area of one lane winding roads. Cars are always stopping, backing up; pedestrians waiting for 2 cars to pass each other. Not always, but it is common. Traffic is light in general though. It is perfect for what I saw on this Sunday... 3 children playing in the street. I was struck dumb and had to stop and look at these children... they were PLAYING on a Sunday afternoon. My first thought was "I like this" and my second thought was "and the fact this never happens is why I don't like Korea". It got me thinking of all the parks in the neighborhoods around here and how I walk by them all the time and take the occassional turn on the swings, down the slide or play at balance on the center of teeter-totters. I realized that the only time I have noticed children at all these numerous parks is once last winter after 10pm when Daegu had a rare snow that stuck enough for midnight snowmen. The park across the road was filled with children that night. Otherwise, couples smooching on the benches or older men sharing soju or beer from paper bags. That Monday I was teaching a level 2 class, 8-10 yr olds and I said, "Did any of you go outside and play over the weekend?" They looked blankly at me. I said, "What did you do this weekend?" The twins in the class, the talkative ones, said "teacher, we study on the weekends." Interesting. Regular school in the morning, English academy at my school at least 2 afternoons a week, sometimes 3 or 4; and I know most students take a music lesson some afternoons and many are in math, computer, science academies. So, that is just about every afternoon during the week and some classes last until 10pm. Of course there is homework for regular school, as well as for the academies... and music practice of course. So yeah, 8 year olds study on the weekends in this country. Mind you, this conversation happened during these kids' summer break from their regular school. Makes me feel SLIGHTLY less frustrated about some of the students I have with behavior problems. No kidding kids are hyper right?
Anyway, once it hit me I have found I can't get over it. Everyone is so FAST here. Parents spend their lives searching for bragging rights and those rights rest on their children. It just doesn't seem right. The sight of those kids that Sunday... the way it stopped me... the population of this city; the sheer number of academies and the fact they stay in business, and then the realization that I rarely see children outside of school. Of course visions that flashed in front of my eyes were of Egypt and Micronesia. Lol, especially Pollap. Remembering how I could not sit in the grass with a book anywhere on the island without a group of 4-10 kids coming to sit and just look at me if I ignored them; play or talk if I interacted with them.
My director told me today that the E6 class I teach likes me. He picks them up for class and he asked them for their favorite teacher. Of course, I enter the classroom every class with a big "HELLO FROM YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER!" so maybe I have brainwashed them just a little, lol. Anyway, he said they said I am fun. Then I had to confess to my director that last week I accidentally said "shit" in class (which has NEVER, surprisingly yes, happened before) which of course the students loved (this is an older and more advanced class). But seriously, ok, I do think this class does like me and it makes me happy that they think they are having fun in my class. I know I have fun teaching them and I can't say that about all that many classes. But I think my new goal needs to be to feel it more often, with more classes. These kids need some fun, don't you think? Maybe tomorrow we will all go out and have class in the streets... :)

Weekends in the City

2006-08-17T21:22:00.000+09:00

I didn't make it to the beach this last weekend. Instead, I went to Seoul; had planned to stay one or maybe two nights and then head to the beach for the rest of my 4 day weekend. But I ran into a friend in Seoul I didn't expect to see and ended up staying 4 nights. It was very strange because I found myself actually enjoy Seoul, specifically Itaewon. Itaewon is an area in Seoul built up to meet the desires of the American base nearby. Therefore, it has lots of western bars, restaurants and shopping. I ate Mexican and Thai food. I met people from Algeria, South Africa and Egypt. Maybe I enjoyed it more this time because I actually partook of the daylife. I went to a bookstore with only English books and bought 2. Read one of them that day in a coffee shop and the other one I finished Wednesday night, lol, some things never change. So many people in that area speak English too, it makes it so easy and comfortable to shop and go places. I think it may have been the first time EVER in my life that city life appealed to me. One of my co-teachers said it reminded her of Chicago. Well, I guess I have always kind of fantasized about living in a city and having a home in the country too (on the coast of course), but no city has ever made me feel like I feel when I have that fantasy. This past weekend though, Seoul felt nice. I still don't think I would REALLY want to live there. For example, my friend that I ran into has a car now and we went for a drive. I remember relaxing to the music and feeling good and then suddenly yearning for a freeway, suddenly wanting to feel the wind in my hair and getting panicky at the thought that we would have to drive and drive and drive and maybe we still would be stuck in that cramped stop and go city. So, you know, I probably still need that beach house to be able to do the middle of one of the biggest 3 cities in the world. I am kind of looking forward to visiting the city again soon. We'll see. In the meantime, maybe I can get to the ocean this coming weekend...

Weekend Relaxations

2006-08-09T18:23:00.000+09:00

The monsoon season ended and now we have had about 2 1/2 weeks of plus95 degree weather. I wish it'd rain again :) Before this I had bragged about not using my air conditioner this year thus far. But now that I walk into my apartment and my little thermometer says, after 3 flights of stairs, 94 degrees, I turn it on.
So last Friday my director decided he would like us to go to the east coast on Saturday morning at 8 and come back on Sunday. So we rearranged our schedules and did just that. This is called "planning" in Korea. Everyone was crabby about it until we were on our way, and then we were all fine. It was awesome. The beach is about a 2-3 hour drive away and it is in our director's hometown, so he knows the less touristy areas. We drove along the beach on this little one lane road and these old women came up to the car asking us to stay in a room in these 3 room houses for the night. Of course I was on top of that and everyone went along I think just because I was so enthusiastic about it. So we stayed a 2 minute walk from the beach. The beach is lined with like small covered platforms about waist high that you can rent to keep your stuff, cook, drink, sleep, come out of the sun. So we rented one of those for the day. One of my students once said, "Teacher, did you know people swim in the ocean without a tube?" And I get it, it is uncommon for Koreans to be in the water without some kind of floatation device. Anyway, the Sea of Japan is NOT the South Pacific. It was FREEZING. It felt like Glen Lake in May... maybe even worse. Despite the cold it was wonderful to swim in the sea again. It was also wonderful to be able to make out the stars at night, man I miss home sometimes. Later in the day my director and I went to another place to snorkel and we jumped in and I just couldn't breathe, I thought I was having a panic attack, but it was even more cold and I just couldn't catch my breath. It was really sweet because it was so hot, but after being in the ocean I felt comfortable for hours. Unfortunately, not all the teachers at my school like the water, can you imagine? So it was kind of disheartening knowing some people were maybe bored and all, but overall it was awesome. This coming weekend we have a 4 day weekend and my director asked us to go with him and his family to Pohang again only to stay with his in-laws this time; he says the best beach in Pohang is there. No one else is going but I am. Sounds like the in-laws live in the country. I am hoping to get some good journal time in and maybe figure out what i am going to do next. I did talk with my director today and he knows I am not renewing my contract; he did extend an invitation to extend it if I want though. I pretty much told him I would, but I know that now that I have I will probably hear from Vietnam. So basically my new plan is... work here until December, go home for a nice long relaxing stretch, a month or so, and head out again to where ever. But don't put too much into that, I have a new plan about every other day. It makes me crazy, so I know it makes everyone else crazy too. I am sure that upon my return after my 4 day weekend I will have all new something for this place...

Feedblitz

2006-08-03T19:42:00.000+09:00

Hey everyone,
You will notice a new link on the side of my blog. It is feedblitz, thanks to my dear Rocket friend. Add your email to it and you will get updates when I update my blog. Cool eh? No spam, seriously. Try it out! This may even motivate me to post more often... uh oh!

Ramblings

2006-07-22T10:59:00.000+09:00

So it seems I am getting shit for being a bad blogger :) I knew it would happen. So on that note... some ramblings on Korea.

The monsoon season has come (and hopefully gone) in Korea. Yesterday was the first day in about 2 1/2 weeks that it did not dribble a drop of rain. While I didn't think the rain was really bugging me that much, I found myself feeling a considerable "spring" to my step yesterday and all I could attribute it to was no rain. Monsoon season is like everything, I heard about it and went "yeah yeah" thinking it would be no big deal, and it isn't, it's life in Korea; but it really is another one of those things you think you can imagine until it is upon you and then you are like, "huh? what is this". Everyone owns between 2 and 5 umbrellas and everyone still finds they need to steal one from time to time. Some days the rain is hard and relentless all day, other days it comes and goes steadily and yet other days it is just a slow steady drizzle. My mom told me the world is brown back home in Wisconsin and farmers are hanging out at the local convenient stores complaining about lack of rain and what it will do to the crops. Seems we should be able to wheel and deal with Mother Nature a bit, but alas, we haven't come that far and maybe have in fact regressed away from that idea.

Moving on...Teaching. I have a couple of funnies to share. A couple of my classes are young, maybe 8-10 yr olds (most of my classes are in this age range actually) and everyday we review new vocabulary words and everyday for homework the students have to make sentences using some of the words. I got one last week for the word "pot: like, I cook soup in the pot"; a boy wrote "I have lot's of pot"; I believe he meant "I have many pots". But my favorite is from a girl who often uses her electronic Korean/English dictionary and she writes phrases for her sentences to which I had a subject and have her rewrite. For example if the word is "reach" she might write something "to reach for the stars" and I will cross off "to" and replace it with "I" and she has a sentence. So one day she had the word "hung" like "I hung the picture on the wall" and her sentence was... lol ... "to be hung like a bull". I was like "hmmm, do I cross of "to be" and add "He was"?" I was laughing so hard and I couldn't imagine her electronic dictionary had this in it... the students were all "teacher, why?" as I was trying to regain control. The best. I wish that I was going to know this girl when she is about 20 to let her know the joy she brought me :)

And my last tidbit for today. I have a Peace Corps friend who is still in the PC who is here in Korea on vacation. She is coming to visit me tonight. She will be the second friend I have seen from PC since leaving PC. She told me on the phone that she is having culture shock being in Korea from Micronesia and I can imagine. It will be different to see her. The first time I hung with someone from PC we went camping and we even ate tuna and ramen on a lake in the forests of Wisconsin. He didn't have a can opener and handed me his knife and the can of tuna saying "Meli, I remember you are an expert at this." The whole weekend felt almost natural to our shared Chuuk experience, besides the fact we both drove up to the boat landing in vehicles, me in my car, him in a truck with a canoe on top. I doubt there is much chance that this weekend will feel anything like Chuuk recreated. Although people here do puzzle over the fact that I boil my water versus buying it, sometimes I hand wash my clothes, and I still raise my eyebrows to say yes (and strangely, I met a Nigerian who also does this and we had hung for some time before we both realized we could understand each other pretty well and that we both said yes this way). Every once in awhile I get a jolt of reminisce and remember something about my time in Chuuk that I had meant not to forget. Sometimes I feel like the world is pointing me back in that direction, back to Chuuk, back to the islands... I am sure this weekend will feel like that for me. In any case, I am looking forward to it.

One last thing I want to post for anyone willing to comment on it. I have been strongly considering applying for a couple of positions in Vietnam. I have told many people that I have been considering this and I received a disturbing reply. Someone commented that this would piss people off because "they (Vietnam) killed..." a family member of someone's. In reference, of course, to the Vietnam war. I had not considered that Americans feel animosity towards Vietnam and I had not considered that family and friends might resent me going there. Any comments?

I have a friend here who just came from teaching there, she is American. One of the things that intrigues me is the way she describes the people, it puts me in mind of Micronesia; or at least of Chuuk. She had taught here before and she says the ppl there are so much more friendlier than here and willing to engage themselves. I miss that.

Feelin' Groovy

2006-07-04T01:08:00.000+09:00

I have recently come out of a mini-depression, recently like this past weekend recently and let me tell you, it feels good. I've been reflecting on it, trying to figure what caused it and how I can prevent future occurences.
I think it started with the end of the play. The play was truly a high time for me, probably one of the single highest 2 week periods of my life. Then it was just, over. And I was left feeling like I need to do more, need to be more. Yet still not knowing what that entails... always, always searching. It's interesting, my mom has questioned me, since I started my world travels, on what I am "running" from. And lots of foreigners in Korea believe everyone here is running from something, even it is just debt. So I have seriously examined this concept and I really believe I am not "running" but "searching". Damn if I don't think "running" might be better, at least then you know what it is....Anyway, this sense of "searching" is always with me and during the play I felt right with the "search" but afterwards all my feelings of searching felt excaberated. Then two of my best friends here left within 3 weeks of each other, 9 months and I had so far really avoided the "always leaving" phenomonon that so many foreigners talk about here, and then WHAM! And those two leaving also made me realize my own contract is up in 3 short months, which completely brings me full circle back to "what the heck am I going to do next?" Where is the search taking me?
What pulled me out of the funk? Hmmm, new friends, old friends being there, friends from home pointing out, from an outside perspective what's been going on in my life. I have to say, email is amazing that way.
So, that being said, I am feeling excited and antsy that my contract is coming to an end. But also struggling with next steps... so if anyone has some cool ideas for someone who already can't decide but is open to anything, pass them on...
Peace Out & Smile, It's a Beautiful Day!

Dancing in the Rain

2006-06-30T17:00:00.000+09:00

Finally, I have entered the blogger world. Hopefully this means I can dispense of the mass emails!?? So I haven't been sleeping well, so I decided to walk after work tonight. I came home about 10 and did some things and headed out around 11. It has been in the 90's here and humid something crazy. Of course I went light and of course it started to rain, I mean really rain. It is also monsoon season here in Korea. It's lovely. So I headed home and once I got to someplace I recognized I was drenched... so I turned off and just kept with the whole "lost in Daegu" theme. It was really quite lovely. I enjoy living on the edge of the city (I mean, if I have to be in a city, it might as well be the edge eh?) I walked along the mountain and could smell the wet earth and there weren't a lot of street lights. It was nice and it almost reminded me of my last home, Pollap. I must have walked in the rain at least 4 times a week there. It was different, yet similar, ya know? I think it rains completely differently in so many places. And, I remember it was raining the night I got to Korea and I suddenly realized that after 3 months in Egypt I was kind of happy to see percipitation. Strange world.